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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for December 1668

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social


The Cardinal's Guard, having whetted its appetite for the blood of the enemies of God and the King, is seeking new recruits of the highest quality. A letter of application will meet with success if our strict standards are met.
† Leonard de Hofstadt, C.O. C.G.

To the gentlemen of 1st Squadron Dragoon Guards
We will commence winter training in January. Enjoy Noel and ensure your affairs are in order.
† Marquis Lt.Colonel Frele d'Acier, Dragoon Guards.

Gentlemen of Paris!
The finest regiment in the King's Cavalry, the Dragoon Guards, offers action, adventure, wealth and status. Be a hero among heroes! Apply to join the Dragoon Guards today!

So as to let in the New Year in suitable style, the regiment will be seeing service at the front during January.
    God Save the King!
† Colonel le Chevalier Duncan d'Eauneurts

The Adjutant-General requires an Aide who is not going to impale himself on the first Spanish pike he sees to prove his manhood. If you are interested, please join the Adjutant-General at his club in Week 4 of January 1669 for a formal interview for the position over a nice glass of brandy from Angoulême.
{OOC: This is open to all Captains, as the vacancy is Aide to Lieutenant-General.}

Matters of Honour

Brother Jean,
Know that I am always at your disposal as 2nd in any affairs of honour, including this month's encounter with M. Cuckpowder.
    Yours, † Jean-Claude Talon/Gitchi-Biizhew, GDMD

To: My Fellow Officers.
I apologise unreservedly for my failure to discharge my services as your second recently. I encountered a few issues with some 'tampered with' alcohol. After a night of socialising, I awoke to find myself at the front and missing a week of my time. I am at a loss to explain this, although some have suggested it could have been a dodgy Kebab that was the culprit. Either way this made it impossible to turn up to your duels and also communicate this in a timely manner. I would like to make this up to you by renewing my offer of service.
    Yours, † Major d'Masses


To all in Paris,
To celebrate my promotion and elevation to Earl, Vera and I will be hosting a Party in Hunter's January Week 1. All in Paris and their ladies are invited. Cost to be covered by myself.
† Brigadier-General Earl Was Nae Me

Party week 4 January: All SL 10 and above and their ladies invited. Regretfully I will not admit the Dragoon Guards this time.
† Terence Cuckpowder

Sir Beau Reese Jean Seine invites all society to a party at his club in the first week of January. Drinks are on me for those of sufficient standing (SL 11+). The rest of you can bring a bottle.
† Sir Beau Reese Jean Seine
PS When I say "all society," I don't mean peasants: SL 8+ only please.

SA2 and Marie Antoinette are holding a New Year's Ball in Week 1 January 1669 at Bothwell's in the Grand Hall. This is open to all, regardless of status, rank or if your name is "Was". The theme of the ball will be a Masquerade in the Grand Manner of Venice - so, dust off your masques and party!! Free food and wine for all: be there (or somewhere else).

Throughout the month of January the superior denizens of Paris* are invited to join the City Governor, Ali Vouzon, at the exclusive 'Fleur de Lys Enclosure' on the frozen waters of the Seine. Bring a lady friend, skate, drink hot toddy and toss snowballs - all in complete segregation from the hoi polloi. And... all at the host's personal expense.
† Ali Vouzon
(*SL 16 or above)

Military Missives

Lt.Colonel Sir Duncan d'Eauneurts, OC 1st Bttn King's Musketeers, to
Brigadier-General Earl Was Nae Me, OC The Guards Brigade,
Brigadier Me,
Hopefully I'll be able to congratulate you in person on your sterling performance at the front and the resultant field promotion and Earldom. Just in case I find myself unable to attend the King's Musketeers' Christmas Ball, however, please accept my heartiest congratulations with this missive.
Now that you have left the regiment to become a permanent member of the General Staff, let me say that it has been an honour and a privilege to serve with you in the King's Musketeers. Your leadership will be sadly missed since you've been such an inspiration to us all.
I intend to purchase the now-vacant Colonelcy and hope I can make a credible attempt to fill the rather large boots you have left behind. My first task will be to make a full inspection so as to ascertain the regiment's battle readiness - we have been billeted in Paris for some considerable time now. If the men come up to snuff, then Christmas in Paris will be their reward. If any sloppiness has crept in thanks to an Autumn in Paris, however, then I intend to take them to front over the Winter so as to repair their fighting edge.
I wish you all the very best with your continued military career and hope that your talent for effective command is put to increasing good use. I would consider it an honour to continue to serve as your second should ever need arise and remain
    Yours to Command,
† Sir Duncan d'Eauneurts

Brigadier-General Earl Was Nae Me, OC The Guards Brigade, to
Lt.Colonel Sir Duncan d'Eauneurts, OC 1st Bttn King's Musketeers,
Lt. Colonel,
Thank you for your letter,
I wish you every success with your impending promotion and I have every confidence that you will lead the regiment from strength to strength.
It has been my pleasure to lead the regiment and should you need my help and support you only need ask.
    Yours in friendship, † Was

Most Noble Colonel Moutarde, allow me to proffer an introduction. I am Gaston Le Somme, of noble blood, and newly arrived in Paris, seeking a soldier's life.
I would very much like to join the Royal Marines and feel I could perform the duties of a Major in its illustrious ranks. If you were minded to allow me to join your august formation, I would be eternally grateful.
    Yours, † Gaston Le Somme

My Dear Gaston,
I would most welcome a new addition to the Royal Marines, our ranks of gentlemen have thinned out considerably of late. Given your background I agree that a commission to the rank of Major seems justified and please do accept a personal donation of 500 crowns to see to your equine expenses, spare cutlasses, and other kit. You are, of course, excused from any regular military duties which we can safely leave to the NCOs.
I should also be most happy to act as your second should such need arise.
    Welcome aboard,
† Sir Gaz Moutarde, B. Bdr-General RM


Primus: So now we know why Gauchepied'er wants to be in a Cavalry Regiment.
Secundus: Quite.

To Lieutenant-Colonel Sir Duncan d'Eauneurts, OC 1st Bttn King's Musketeers, Apartment 6d, Place des Conquetes, Quartier du Louvre, Paris.
Dearest Duncan,
Your Father would be sae proud tae see you in command of his former regiment. And aide to Field Marshal to boot !
Madelein and I both hope this missive finds ye safely in Paris enjoying the delights of the capital over Yule and Hogmany. I trust ye showed that wee blurt Creme that a gentleman isnae to be toyed with? It's plain that he was tappin' ye for a bribe.
We're entertaining, though on a modest scale, here at Chateau d'Eauneurts. Hopefully the New Year will bring ye the opportunity to pay off the remaining mortgages so we can entertain in proper style next Yule?
     Your Doting Maman,
† Lady Isla d'Eauneurts

Henri Dubois
C'est Noel. C'est ne pas une probleme. A bientot.
† Marqius Lt. Colonel Frele D' Acier, Dragoon Guards

Count Uther Xavier-Beauregard
OC Cavalry Division
I noted that you have persuaded your divisional adjutant to resign.
I would like to submit my application for the position. I am an accomplished cavalry officer who has been mentioned in dispatches many times for bravery.
My cavalry career began in the Dragoon Brigade as a trooper and having worked my way up to subaltern you were kind enough to appoint me to be your aide gaining me my first staff experience.
My next staff role was Brigade Major for Horse Guards. I have been Lt Colonel for the Dragoon Guards for several campaigns now and have acted as commander on numerous occasions. This job will be the next step to my career path. I look forward to your response.
    Yours Sincerely,
† Marquis Lt.Colonel Frele d'Acier, Dragoon Guards.

Lord Percy Percy says, as fashion is tending towards the scarlet woman, the CPC are a fashionable Regiment.

Nobles and Gentlemen of Paris (and you Ladies too!), allow me to introduce myself. I am Gaston Le Somme, born of noble blood but on top of the blanket not beneath it. I am brave, fearless with bailiffs and landladies, courteous to those who would lend me money. I ride a horse well, the ladies better and my mistress best of all. Poets have not yet begun to speak of me but they shall and if you befriend me I shall make sure you are not forgotten in their rhymes. I show a handsome leg, a flashing eye and my moustaches were the talk of the Vendée. Invite me to your parties and you shall never lack for witty company. Make me your friend and you shall never lack for a sword at your back and a trumpet for your virtues. As such I commend myself to all and fear not, there is enough of me to go around!
    Yours, † Gaston Le Somme

To Lady Isla d'Eauneurts, Chateau d'Eauneurts, Eauneurts-sous-Montreuil, Pas-de-Calais, Picardy
Chère Maman,
Thank you for your good wishes and I hope that Madelein and yourself have an enjoyable Christmas at the Chateau d'Eauneurts. I join with you in hoping that the fates are kind next year and allow me the wherewithal to pay off the remaining mortgages.
Brigadier de la Creme was forcefully acquainted with the fact that calling him a pettifogging little fart was no insult and has now taken himself off to the front - presumably in the hope of finding some loot since soliciting bribes is obviously not his forté. I intend to follow him there in January - the men have been in Paris for too long and are growing somewhat soft.
In the meantime, I hope to dine with the Field Marshal on a couple of occasions over the festive season in addition to attending the regimental dinner.
    Your Dutiful Son, † Duncan

Contrary to the recent rumours:
1) My accent is Burgundian, NOT foreign.
2) I am General Zmerchant's Aide, not his secretary.
3) My poetry will not lead to 1st and 3rd Army fighting each other.
† Sir Beau Reese Jean Seine

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

D'Eauneurts wrote another poem that makes no sense.
Not waiting for the retort - the man's ego is immense.
He was dropped as a lad,
Now his thinking is bad,
At least that's all that can be said in his defence.

Creme dances now rather than duel,
But still ends up looking the fool.
He says "Bugger, damn!
A no-hoper I am!"
Then it's off to the front on a mule.
† DdE

There once was a poofter named Felix,
Whose nethers could bend in a helix.
When put to the test,
His sword ... well, at best,
Could be found hiding in Trissy's...
(edited for the good Pere Allouez's heart condition)
† CT

A Mascot's Lament
It isn't easy being a regimental goat:
In the Marines, you must learn to float!
You must learn to ride upon a horse -
Only when with the cavalry, of course!
But worst is when in the third army:
From a lusty general you must flee!
† Beau Reese Jean Seine