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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for August 1669

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Despatches from the Front

A Secluded Beach Near Agios Nikolaos
    "Thank you for coming, Gentlemen. I won't keep you long, I appreciate you have not inconsiderable rides ahead before you can rejoin your units. Did you examine the body?"
    "Yes, Sir. It was as you suspected. O'Shea's wounds were all in the back. He was shot by the men of his own regiment."
    "I have no doubt that all of them had lost comrades as a result of O'Shea's greed."
 "Should I institute a formal enquiry, Sir?"
    "No. Let O'Shea's death continue to be that of a 'hero'. No point in allowing the detrimental effect he had on morale whilst alive to carry on now he's dead. Any progress on the other matters?"
    "We're continuing with our enquiries, Sir, but still nothing concrete, I'm afraid."
    "Well, keep digging. Whilst a modest amount of peculation from army stores might be considered a demonstration of initiative, I will not have Quartermasters embezzling to the extent that they put lives of French Soldiers at risk. Any you find doing so will come to beg for a death as painless as O'Shea's. You may count on it..."


Victory Celebration at the Fleur, 1st Week of September
Brigadier General Sir Duncan d'Eauneurts, Commander of the King's Musketeers, His Majesty's Commissioner of Public Safety and Minister of Justice, will be hosting a Victory Celebration at the Fleur de Lys in the 1st week of September. All gentlemen eligible for membership of Hunter's, together with their ladies, are cordially invited - even members of the Cardinal's Guard - and all costs will be borne by the host.

[OOC: DdE Party for all of SL 9+ at the Fleur in week N. Ladies welcome, all costs paid]

Jean d'Ice will be hosting a party for all soldiers who served in this campaign, INCLUDING the scum of the King's Musketeers. It will be held in the 4th week of September. Mistresses are welcome.

All officers and men of the Cavalry Division, those still this side of the grave, are welcome to drink as my guest at the Fleur on our return, all month. Bring your companions.

To All Gentlemen-Soldiers of France, pray join me in my club in Weeks 3 and 4 next month to remember the Glorious Dead of our recent campaigns and to praise the leadership and courage sang-froid of the noble Count Xavier-Beauregard. Those holding a military rank of SL 6 or above and their mistresses will be very welcome at my table.
           Vive La France!
† Lt.Colonel Gaston Le Somme, Divisional Adjutant

Military Missives

To Gen. Moutarde, Brigadier, 1st Foot
Dear General,
I believe you may be in need of an aide. I am new to Paris and intend to join the Picardy Musketeers as a Major and head to the front. Should they accept me, I offer my services as your aide.
    Yours, † Jacques Diabolique

Dear Jacques,
Your application could not have come at a better time! These damnable Turks have all but done for my supplies.
Be quick about it... I need three cases of Rogomme and a wheel of Roquefort, urgent!
   Yours, etc, etc. † Moutarde, Cmdr 1st Foot


Cher Etienne Brule,
We have had our differences in the past but, as you remember, I have always sent my sympathies to you and your regiment. Fortunes of war recently have favoured my Regiment, and may favour yours this month.
In view of your regiment's slurs on my name, I would like to think that we can let bygones be bygones and meet over a glass of wine. While I am not back to full strength yet, I will offer you satisfaction and to as many of your officers as my strength allows.
I would like to think we could all enjoy a season in Paris
    Yours ever,
† Terence Cuckpowder
Horse Guards Brigadier (acting)

Lord Percy Percy says, as blatant theft is fashionable our CPS is very fashionable.

Is anybody acquainted with a person named Lloyd George? Apparently he knew my father...
† Inigo Montoya

In which case he probably knew your mother as well...
† Le Roi

 "Have you heard?"
 "Heard what?"
 "About the horses in the Cardinal's Guard?"
 "No, I haven't heard."
 "Bother. I was hoping you had the details."

My dear M. Talon, no apologies are required. You were trying to do your best for the Army and for the King and if some clod of a clerk has misdirected your missive I blame the educational system. Oh! We don't have one. That probably explains things...
Lt. Colonel Le Somme, Divisional Adjutant, the Cavalry Division

Our Minister of State needs to know his bible better. I am somewhat surprised that the Cardinal has not pointed out that the bible says "The love of money can be the root of all kinds of evil."
† La Parapluie Jaune

The justice of Heaven will not be denied!
Let's see O'Shea bribe his way out of that one.
† BdZ

To Lady Isla d'Eauneurts, Chateau d'Eauneurts, Eauneurts-sous-Montreuil, Pas-de-Calais, Picardy
Chère Maman,
It was a great comfort to receive your kind wishes regards my government appointment. Thanks to the direction of Earl le Sang, the Minister of State, my duties are clear: to prosecute those who are actually guilty of treason and not abuse my position for personal ends. The late and unlamented Marquis O'Shea demonstrated a venality totally unconcerned with the welfare of His Majesty's soldiers - and eventually he paid the price. Such should be the fate of anyone pilfering from the Army Commissariat to the extent that lives are needlessly lost. I have here a letter he wrote to the Minister of State from the Bastille which bluntly asks how much it will cost to make the charges levelled at him go away! The man was utterly shameless!!
Rob d'Emblind was equally culpable and I'm pleased to say that I have now replaced him as Minister of Justice. My elevation to the appointment was not, unfortunately, accompanied by an elevation to peerage I'm afraid.
I do have some good news, however. Thanks to moving in government circles I gained advance warning of how many brigades would be committed during next year's Summer Campaign. As a result I borrowed to the hilt from Shylocks, invested heavily in arms and, following the official announcement last month, the returns should be sufficient to buy up the remaining mortgages on the d'Eauneurts estate at last. We shall finally be able to rejoin the ranks of the very rich noble families.
The English, at least officially, frown upon such practices of course, terming it 'insider trading'. As Minister of Justice, however, I have perused all the relevant Royal Statutes and can find no French law against it. Indeed, it is considered to be a perquisite of cabinet membership.
As you will have read in the gazette, the army has been serving in Crete over the Summer. The place is a little arid for my taste, except for the central plateau. The coastal scenery is pleasant, however, though why the ancients described the sea as being 'wine dark' is beyond me. It's actually a deep prussian blue, except when over white sand when it becomes a breathtaking turquoise. I'm looking forward to returning to France and seeing some lush greenery, however. Indeed, I'm minded to host a party to celebrate the army's safe return.
    Your Loving Son, † Duncan
P.S. Please waste no time in acquainting Madelein of our good fortune. I'm sure it will be a relief to learn that a suitable dowry can now be found for her.

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

An Ode to Papa
Arrived in Paris;
On my jack;
The taverns are empty
But the girls are slack!
† Jaques ZeLad