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LPBS Masthead: Roland as a Musketeer

Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.

If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)

Orders for September 1669 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, UXBRIDGE UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by Friday, 9th June 2017.

Game Report for August 1669

Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.

The heat in Crete continues as August arrives. It's not just the weather: France's Venetian ally wants to know why the French armies are not relieving the Turkish siege of the capital, Candia. First Army commander (and Field Marshal to be) Bill de Zmerchant gives in to the Venetian demands and orders First Armyto march on Candia. Their advance will be screened by the cavalry (Second Army), while Third Army (aka the Guards) defends their line of retreat (otherwise known as Agios Nikolaos).

The Cavalry Division gets the job of shielding the infantry with the Horse Guards on one flank and the Heavy Brigade on the other. Archduke Leopold's and the Crown Prince's Cuirassiers regiments have a fine time riding around the Cretan countryside. The only resistance is the occasional skirmish with small Turkish forces. The freshly knighted Percy Mistic, commanding the ALC, shows his mettle in dealing with these and 300 crowns worth of loot finds its way into his coffers. Heavy Brigadier Jacques de Gain does slightly better, cashing in on the Brigade's success to the tune of 350 crowns. His Brigade Major, Felix Antoine Gauchepied'er of the CPCs, is too busy finding a fetching colour for each day's Despatches to even notice there's fighting going on.

Over on the other flank, the Horse Guards find rather more to keep them busy. The Dragoon Guards run into scouting Turkish cavalry and try to see them off. The result is something of a score draw. DG commander Etienne Brule receives a Mention in Despatches ("Was he twirling his moustache as he attacked?") as he sees off one detachment of Turks, whose accoutrements bring him 250 crowns. Lieutenant-Colonel Frele d'Acier follows his CO's example, gaining his own mention ("another fine moustache") and liberating 350 crowns worth of goodies for himself. Only Captain Henri Dubois misses out as he finds the Turkish horsemen hard to handle.

The Queen's Own Carabiniers have no problems, giving short shrift to any enemy they encounter. Major Swindelle d'Masses uses the opportunity for some serious looting and will be going home some 700 crowns better off. Horse Guards Brigadier Terence Cuckpowder takes a modest percentage of the Brigade's intake: 150 crowns worth. His Brigade Major, Jean Ettonique of the DGs, doesn't even get that.

General Uther Xavier-Beauregard is Cavalry Division commander and is pleased with the Division's performance. He pockets just 100 crowns worth of booty before seeing his name go into the Despatches. Brigade Major Gaston le Somme keeps his looting down to 200 crowns and is pleased to be promoted to Colonel (of the Royal Marines). His success is Mentioned in Despatches ("He's successful") and this brings him a battlefield Knighthood.

While the Cavalry Division is otherwise occupied, Dragoon Brigade takes on the cavalry's other role: foraging for supplies. Both Dragoon regiments try to stay out of the way of enemy forces, while keeping their eyes open for a good thing. Jean Tétreault-Cauchon, Lieutenant-Colonel of the Princess Louis Light Dragoons, spots one. It's worth 600 crowns to him. And he cuts in his Colonel, Balzac Slapdash, for a further 300 crowns. Slapdash receives a brevet promotion to Brigadier-General, which may just save his bacon as he has run out of time to restore his social standing to that expected of the commander of the PLLD.

Major Xavier Money commands the Grand Duke Maximilian Dragoons as its Colonel, Chopine Camus, is Dragoon Brigadier. Money is promoted to Lt-Colonel after a quiet month. Brigadier Camus, on the other hand, has his rank made permanent and takes a cut - just 50 crowns - from the PLLD's success.

CG Lt-Col Alan de Frocked is Aide to the General commanding Second Army and basks in his boss's success. The resulting Mention in Despatches ("look at him bask!") brings him a Knighthood as well. Plus there's almost 500 crowns' worth of plunder for each member of Army HQ.

En route to Candia...

Loot: a Musketeer totters under the weight of boxes, barrels, bags and a cross-eyed bearThe staff of First Army HQ get rather more cash. Well, the surviving ones, anyway. General Bill de Zmerchant tucks away the best part of a thousand crowns' worth of loot before things turn sour. He is Mentioned twice, too ("Look at him go! Watch him come back..."). His Aide, RFG Major Beau Reese Jean Seine, picks up twice as much booty, which is worth a Mention in itself ("Can he carry it all?").

The Frontier Division advances first, to clear the road. Freshly arrived volunteer 'X6' is assigned to Frontier regiment 2 and given a uniform and a musket. He's then ordered into the attack with his new buddies. Coming under heavy fire from a barricade across the road, he dives into a ditch for cover. Here he finds an unexpectedly senior comrade: the Lt-Col of the 69th Arquebusiers, Renaud Taillebois. Taillebois looks at the green recruit. "Have you come here to die?" he drawls. "Non," replies 'X6', "I arrived yester-die." With a smile on their lips, the two men charge out of the ditch. And are cut down in a hail of lead. RIP.

Even the Royal North Highlanders cannot make progress against the determined Turkish resistance. Lt-General Richard Shapmes has transferred to the regiment to take command of a Battalion. His rank doesn't help the regiment, but he does get a Mention in Despatches even as the RNHB leaves the field ("That didn't help").

As the remains of Frontier Division head back to Agios Nikolaos, it's up to First Division to salvage something. They fail to make significant headway either, but at least they prevent the Turkish troops pursuing the retreating French. However, Third Foot Brigade can't even manage that. Brigadier Charles Louis Desapear gets no reward from his month in action.

The Fusiliers of Second Foot Brigade do a bit better. Better enough that there's a Mention in Despatches for Brigadier Bernard de Lur-Saluces ("Putting up a brave show") to redeem his earlier disgrace.

The Picardy Musketeers have the most success and a new recruit. Having signed up and bought his way to Major, Jacques Diabolick joins the regiment in action and immediately picks up over 1,500 crowns' worth of loot. First Foot Brigadier Gaz Moutarde finds himself brevetted as a Lt-General as a result of the Picardies' success. There's promotion, too, for his Brigade Major, Louis Oeuf Ur Terribles of the Royal Marines, who becomes Lt-Colonel in the wake of Gaston le Somme.

First Division commander Sebastian de la Crème can do nothing except report a complete failure to General Merchant. The one redeeming feature is that he picked up exactly 1,500 crowns' worth of loot for himself. He is Mentioned in Despatches, too ("Didn't he do well?"). Seeing the way the wind is blowing, General Merchant orders First Army to fall back on Ag Nik. After an increasingly heated exchange with his Venetian liaison, these orders are changed and the Army embarks to return to France.

...or not

As the cavalry of Second Army follow First Army back to the port and onto ships for France, The Guards Brigade (that is, Third Army) actually have to do some work: holding the perimeter as their fellows embark. The pursuing Turks are not organised - the siege of Candia remains their main concern - giving the Guards the opportunity to defeat them in detail and earn plenty of booty.

Commanding the King's Musketeers is no less a person than the Commissioner of Public Safety, Duncan d'Eauneurts. He finds himself in the Despatches twice ("Yes, Commissioner. No, Commissioner") and plunders just over 500 crowns' worth for himself.

Leonard de Hofstadt commands the Cardinal's Guard and receives a Knighthood to go with 250 crowns' worth of loot. He is briefly Mentioned in Despatches ("Sir Len") as well. Major Jean d'Ice survives handily.

There are more Mentions for the commander of Royal Foot Guards, Amant d'Au, who only collects 250 crowns this month. A further Mention in Despatches goes to Lt-Colonel Jean Jeanie. His share of the loot is only 150 crowns' worth. And just 100 goes to Captain Inigo Montoya, whose name appears in the Despatches too ("Shouldn't the Guards be earning more?").

Guards Brigadier Was Nae Me is elevated to the rank of Viscount and makes sure he gets a good 700 crowns' worth of loot. He receives a Mention in Despatches. Brigade Major Maurice Essai Deux is promoted to Lt-Colonel (in the KMs) with a Mention in Despatches and a piece of the action - to the tune of 400 crowns.

A long line of soldiers

Lazing in Paris

Back in Paris, there's not much going on. Pierre le Sang and Pierre Cardigan visit the Fleur de Lys with their ladies: Guinevere d'Arthur and Edna Bucquette, respectively. However, Pierre and Guinevere are there for the whole month, while Pierre heads off for three weeks' practice with his sabre.

Sebastian Adis II takes Marie Antoinette to Bothwell's before taking himself to the gym to practise with his rapier. The three weeks practising rapier comes to Florent Sans de Machine after he's visited his lady friend at home.

Jacques Zelad tries out the Frog & Peach, but then disappears. He returns to the club in week 3 with Angelina di Griz on his arm and they stay there for the last week.

'X1' is courting, too. Just not successfully. He spends his last week in the bawdyhouses.