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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for November 1669

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Matters of Honour

To Brigadier General Terence Cuckpowder
General, it has been an education serving with you at the Front and sparring with you in words before then. Long have I wished to cross swords with so eminent a swordsman as yourself and may I say that I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I do hope our recent practice with the blade will make you consider how useful such skill as I possess would be in your appointment as Brigade Major, regardless of regimental rivalry.
The matter of the honour of our regiments must regrettably await my return from the Front: a recent inspection of my squadron has suggested that they do not get the right kind of exercise in Paris ... so we will go and practice a while on the enemy. I look forward to our next bout on the field of honour.
    Yours faithfully,
† Major Jean Ettonique, Dragoon Guards

To my comrades in the Horse Guards parade,
You have once more inflicted great wounds and I am unable to take the field. But we will clash swords for honour again.
† Cuckpowder

To Felix Anton Gauchepedier [sic]
Sir, I trust your tailor did not shed too many tears over the ruin of his creation when he thought. Alas, you have taken exception to my station once more and we must meet again on the field of honour as soon as I return from exercising my men at the Front. At least your tailor will be weeping tears of joy at the impending destruction of another set of clothes and your inevitable order of its replacement.
    Yours faithfully,
† Major Jean Ettonique, Dragoon Guards

To Swindelle de Masses
Sir, it seems you lack the sense to learn from a situation and require from me another lesson in the swift punishment that can be delivered by my cavalry sabre. I look forward to repeating your lesson upon my return from the Front.
    Yours faithfully,
† Major Jean Ettonique, Dragoon Guards


To the citizens of Paris,
I hope you've been enjoying my parties. I am being asked to throw more and, since I am in Paris, why not? We all still alive and still French - both facts must be celebrated. We must mourn those that we have lost and we must toast our glorious King.
If you wish to suggest a week to come join me at the Fleur de Lys, please contact me and I will see what I can do. Please note, the Fleur does have standards, so only those of sufficient standing should apply, rejection often disappoints!
† Baron De La Crème

BdZ apologises for the illness that kept him from hosting his party. All are welcome at the Fleur for the first and second weeks of December.

*****NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY - Week 4 December *****
The Grand Duke Max's Dragoons will be hosting a New Year's Eve Party in their mess. Dress uniforms, please. All friends of the regiment are invited to attend with their ladies. Costs paid. Anyone still present at dawn will be expected to join the regiment in our annual ritual of a New Year's swim in the Seine.
† Lt. Colonel XM


Mother, It was so depressing in Paris - there was no events for a person of my Social status available last month (they don't seem to understand that the lower SL members need to have access to parties to raise their status), so I figured that I would see if I was able to gain a little Combat experience.. The Squadron ran in to a Spanish Scouting Party - we beat them, gaining some welcome cash and a Mention, not to say that it wasn't quite a lot closer than I would of liked. Mother, I am at the front this coming month and there is always the possibility of fatalities. I hope that everyone is well and I will write soon (I Hope).
† Sébastien

Lord Percy Percy says, as fashion is tending towards the red faced, Sebastian de la Crème is making great efforts to become fashionable.

It was late in November when Raul Bernard crossed the line into Paris proper. The city huddled together to weather the downpour and the river was swollen, its dark waters rising nearly on top of the nearby streets. Outside the city, parts of the land were covered in brackish waters, muddying the fields and the roads.
Raul checked the pockets of his coat and sighed. Apart from what he was wearing - the thick leather coat with high collar and tricorne hat - the weapon of his father and high leather boots were worth more than ten times what he had as ready money with him.
So, the name of his family (now deceased or fled to the new colonies) and his abilities were his only assets which could support him and turn the downward spiral his life had become around.
He squared his shoulders, readied himself and entered the city. "Let's see if there is a papéterie somewhere," he thought to himself.

Baron Sebastian de la Creme
Most Noble Sir,
It seems I have forgotten to request admittance to your party and beg the boon of being added, however latterly, to the guest list. I would consider it a great favour and promise you my assistance in all your endeavours.
    Yours, † Sir Gaston Le Somme, 1st Army Adjutant

Sir Gaston,
Please feel free to call on me at the Fleur de Lys on the first and second weeks of the month.
I see that you are climbing up the ranks of both the military and society, so please do let me give you some advice. When addressing a Minister you should refer to him as "Your Excellency". Perhaps we could discuss etiquette when we meet, I would hate for someone to offend the wrong person?
    Best regards, † Baron De La Creme

Jean Ettonique
I fully understand your feelings, and bear you no ill will. Should the post remain vacant after this month, I will consider your name once more.
† Cuckpowder

Many thanks! (You know who you are...)

At the Barracks of the King's Musketeers...
    "What's this I hear about you refusing Monsieur Felix Anton Gauchepied'er entry into the regiment, Sergeant?"
    "Well, begging your pardon, Sir, but he's camper than a bell tent and the way he dresses would make the doxies of the Rue Bourdel blush. He's a complete Mignon, Sir."
    "I take it you're referring to those who took part in The Duel of the Mignons in April 1578, Sergeant? If you recall, the three Mignons in question fought to the death. Provided a man upholds the honour of the regiment on the field of battle and in single combat, I don't care how he dresses or what his proclivities are. Why did you wilfully ignore my standing order, Sergeant?"
    "Standing Order, Sir...?"
    "Yes, it's posted there on the wall behind you (though I admit it's somewhat faded now and has never, yet, been put into practice)."
    "Oh, yes, Sir. Does it say 'All gentlemen of sufficient breeding and blessed with a powerful frame to be admitted automatically', Sir?"
    "It certainly does, Sergeant, and I want it followed to the letter in future, d'ye hear? I don't know what you have against Mignons, frankly. Just means more rampant totty for us real men..."

To: Everyone
Trissy and I send a big sorry and oodles of kisses to all those who were inconvenienced by the postponement of our '7 Naughty Nights' Party this month. Somewhat pressing military matters caused our sudden departure to the Front and there was simply no time sweethearts to let you all know.
In way of making amends, we shall be organizing a much larger gathering in the near future and, to compensate those of you who were left wanting, gifts and presents will be forthcoming.
    Love to you all,
† Felix Anton Gauchepied'er & Tristram de Gaye

De Frocked and Gauchepied'er are merely bosom chums.

Letter to Count Amant d'Au, Commander of the Royal Foot Guard to His Majesty, the King of France
I humbly ask you to have a meeting at your earliest convenience to discuss my possible application to the esteemed regiment of the Royal Food Guards.
My name is Raul Bernad de Chenin Blanc and your regiment comes highly recommended.
I therefore would like to discuss the possible application to the Guards to serve the King in my highest capacity.
† Raul Bernard de Chenin Blanc d'Anjou
[OOC: Raul applies for RFG in December.]

Dear Ranso Mware,
I do not know you and hence my servants did not grant you admittance to my little soiree last month. However, I cannot bear to see a man disappointed of glory, of friendships to come or in love. So, if you would like to make my acquaintance at some time in the future, please drop me a line
† Sir (Oooh I do love the sound of that!) Gaston Le Somme, Colonel Royal Marines

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

Let me tell you of Inigo Montoya.
He went and got himself a Libel Lawya.
All because of what Percy Mystic done said:
That all could see Inigo was left 'anded.
† Beau Reese Jean Seine

A two handed sword is great,
For those who need to compensate!
One lady has fallen,
Soon I'll come callin'
On another needing a randier date!
† Jacques Diabolick