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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for December 1669

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

KING'S MUSKETEERS ANNOUNCEMENT
The regiment will be seeing service at the front over January and February. All officers must ensure their men are ready to march on New Year's Day, hangover or no.
† Brigadier d'Eauneurts

Do you have what it takes to wear the coveted green tunic?
The Dragoon Guards offer a life of action and adventure! Positions are available for the best and bravest. Wield your sword in the service of France! Win glory! Apply to join the Dragoon Guards today!*
* LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Before signing any enlistment form, read it carefully and consult with your lawyer. Your glory may vary. Sword not to be taken internally.

The Horse Guards Brigade, or part of it, may be going to the front to blow the cobwebs away. Representations will be entertained.
† Cuckpowder

Quartermaster-General Sebastian Adis seeks an aide. No timewasters. Must like cake, as Marie Antoinette likes to bake and the QMG is putting on large amounts of weight trying to eat it all, hence his frequent forays (retreats) to the gym. Once per month, the aide will be expected to attend the QMG at his club to discuss procurement strategy and to host meetings with arms dealers.

The 2nd army is still seeking ambitious staff officers ahead of next year's campaign season. I will be entertaining candidates of suitable rank at the Fleur all January.
† UXB

Social

Lt Col Money
Sir, whilst the Picardy Musketeers are not formal friends to the GDMD, I would be honoured if Thomasina and I would be admitted to the GDMD New Year's party. I look forward to a "bracing" swim in the Seine as well.
    Your servant, † Captain Boudreaux, PM

Mon Ami,
We would love to have you both. I promise that you will be well looked after.
    Yours, etc † XM

To all Citizens of Paris
It has been a while since we've seen a horse race, so I intend to throw a New Year's race, to take place on the first week of January.
Come one, come all* to this prestigious occasion, either to race or spectate. Who will win and become the first new year's racing champion? Place your bet, put your money where your mouth is!
† Baron De La Crème
*I mean, there are standards!

[OOC, race event week 1. SL 9+ welcome]

Personal

Brigadier-General Sir Duncan d'Eauneurts, OC King's Musketeers, to
Lt.Colonel Felix Anton Gauchepied'er, OC 1st Bttn King's Musketeers,
Greetings
Lt.Colonel Gauchepied'er,
Welcome to the Regiment. I'm pleased to see that the recruiting sergeant now understands his instructions and would like to congratulate you on your rapid promotion.
I regret, however, that your behaviour is already giving me some cause for concern. I thought I'd made it perfectly clear before submitting your application that a Musketeer NEVER shirks his obligations on the Field of Honour unless unhealed wounds preclude his attendance? Yet I learn that in your very first week with the regiment you slink off to the front before facing up to your obligations to Major Sir Jean Ettonique - not to mention those to the disappointed guests who, thanks to your unforgiveable irresponsibility, spent a fruitless week outside Hunters. Such behaviour brings the Regiment into significant disrepute and I will not have it, Sir, d'ye hear? Any repeat of such behaviour will see you serving at the front until I'm satisfied that you've learned some manners. I trust I make myself perfectly clear on this point?
On the subject of duelling, I would have you know that the King's Musketeers are gentlemen, Sir, and choose their weapons accordingly - rather than unschooled savages or circus performers who see the duelling field as an opportunity to hurl inappropriate missiles at their opponents. If you feel unsure in the use of gentlemanly weapons I suggest you spend any free time you may have with the regimental fencing instructor until further notice.
It is also customary for gentlemen to be accompanied to affairs of honour by reputable seconds. As your commanding officer, I will be duty bound to serve you in this wise should you so wish - but I will take a very dim view should a hale and hearty principal fail to make an appearance. I was well aware of your flamboyant nature and somewhat bizarre dress sense before authorising your application to join the regiment. Such matters are, I feel, no concern of mine. Cowardice, however, either on the field of honour or the field of battle, is something that will never be tolerated in the King's Musketeers so long as I have the privilege of commanding the regiment.
On the latter point, I was pleased to see that you conducted yourself admirably during your recent encounter with the Spaniards and that the first battalion performed bravely under your command. I look forward to observing your military performance at first hand in January and February when the whole regiment will be serving at the front.
† Brigadier d'Eauneurts

Jacques Diabolick appears to be a case of Nominative determinism, judging by his verse.
† Le plume vert

Brigadier Sir Duncan d'Eauneurts, OC King's Musketeers, His Majesty's Commissioner of Public Safety and Minister of Justice, to
Field Marshal Viscount Bill de Zmerchant, His Majesty's Minister of War,
Greetings!
Your Excellency,
So sorry to learn of the illness which kept you indisposed last month. I hope that you have since made a full recovery and look forward to dining with you at the beginning of December,
    Your Servant, † Sir Duncan

Lord Percy Percy says, as fashion is tending towards the gargantuan, Jean D'ice has a very fashionable stomach.

Who the heck is "Lord" Percy Percy anyway? Seems being an anonymous gossip monger is fashionable these days...

De Frocked and Gauchepied'er: And such bosoms are demanded as dramatic necessities.

Dear what's your name? Colonel of the Picardy Musketeers:
It seems the men of the Picardy Musketeers have little faith in you. I think it is due to your pot gut and lack of drive.
Plus it is rumoured you've got a tiny set of tools in the tool-shed, and nobody likes that. Why don't you retire to your mother's house, and allow me to run the show and get the lads some proper leadership?
† JD

Etiquette for Sir Gaston
Another tip: Do not kneel behind a Minister. The phrase 'sucking up' is not meant to be taken literally
† La Pantaloon Rouge

Private members room at Hunters Club
    "Felix darling, here's a letter arrived for you from Dunkie... it looks very official, what does it say love?"
    "Oooh Trissy, Dunkie has got all cross with me because of that duel-y thing I missed last month. I mean, doesn't he understand how much it cost me to get those dresses mended after the last time PLUS the fact that even after 3 good washes you could still see stains on them? Sometimes I wonder just what these military people think we ladies are supposed to do with ourselves by getting caught up in these so called 'affairs of honour'!"
    "Well don't worry about it, sweetheart, you're better than all of them. Long after we're all gone people will still remember what you have achieved in Paris, furthering the cause of fashion and... and... well, stuff... Anyway what are you going to do about Dunkie's letter?"
    "Sigh... I suppose I best show him that I'm the right girl to be his Lt Colonel thingy... better impress him with more of this army carryings on... go pack some winter dresses and furs, darling, and we'll head off to the war again. Maybe this time the King will even make me a Dame if I impress them with some top class costumes... Ooh! Imagine that, Trissy, little me, Dame Felix of Paris!!"

Jean Ettonique
Rest assured, sir, that your application is top of the pile should the post become vacant.
† Cuckpowder

Great party last month, Xavier & Roméo ... let's just divvy up the prize money between you two.
† JZL

To Lady Isla d'Eauneurts, Chateau d'Eauneurts, Eauneurts-sous-Montreuil, Pas-de-Calais, Picardy
Chère Maman,
Apologies for the tardy reply. Since returning from the front, in addition to my governmental duties I've had a regimental dinner to organise and various other demands on my time.
I'm pleased to hear that the regaining of our former status in Picardy is such a comfort for you. Where a suitable match for Madelein is concerned, however, I have grave reservations about Paris as a means to this end. The gentlemen here seem to have a universal aversion to marriage and change their partners with alarming regularity. Perhaps some scion of a noble house in Picardy might be the best solution here?
    Your loving Son, † Duncan
Brigadier Sir Duncan d'Eauneurts, His Majesty's Commissioner of Public Safety, Le Châtelet, Rue St Denis, Quartier des Halles, Paris.

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

The man in red is making a list:
Who has been naughty and who nice.
Whene'er you go out and get pissed
The Cardinal knows in a trice.