Players' Press for January 1670
Recruits welcome with the QOC. A long life is not a given, but a merry one and all the duels you can cope with against our noble comrades in the Dragoon Guards.
Apply to the Regimental Barracks.
The Royal Marines will add their strength and courage to the fight against His Majesty's enemies in February. If any officer of the regiment has more important things to do, let him apply to me and I shall be understanding of his needs.
† Gaston Le Somme, Colonel Royal Marines
The Quarter-Master General of the First Army is planning to conduct field trials with the RNHB testing a new supply of weapons from The Hudson Bay Trading Company - a new style of Flintlock that is supposed to work in the extreme cold. This should teach the dastardly Spanish and their Toledo steel a shock or two. In his absence, potential suppliers should direct any enquiries to First Army Adjutant Le Somme. The QMG will leave in either January or maybe February, depending on the logistics and state of the roads to the Southern Buffer Zone.
I am still seeking an adventurous aide and capable Adjutant for the 2nd Army. I am glad to announce that Bdr Desapear will be appointed as QM as soon as the incumbent has managed to organise his own retirement party.
Brigadier-General Sir Duncan d'Eauneurts, OC King's Musketeers, to
Lt.Colonel Felix Anton Gauchepied'er, OC 1st Battalion,
Congratulations upon another competent performance at the front, Sir. The Colonel of the 4th Frontier Regiment reports that confirmation of your Lt.Colonelcy was well deserved, if only for your completely confounding the enemy with such a devastating fashion statement.
I am a little bemused, however, concerning your reasoning for deliberately obstructing Major Jacques ZeLad's efforts to secure the Lt.Colonelcy of the 13th Fusiliers. Is there some bad blood between you gentlemen of which I am not aware? If not, your actions might appear somewhat peevish - a trait I by no means wish to encourage in the King's Musketeers. Pray be so kind as to furnish me with a full explanation when we meet at the front this month so that, as your commanding officer, I may ascertain whether or not I owe the gentleman an apology.
Finally, commend me to your men and let them know how proud I am of their martial exploits over the past months.
† Brigadier d'Eauneurts
Lord Percy Percy is a long time correspondent of Parisian society, a man (or woman) of exquisite taste and breeding. To address him as a teller of tittle and tattle is to discredit the true scandalmongers in Paris.
Are you Unfit, and out of Condition?
Do you suffer from Constipation?
Do you have Night Starvation?
Then join the Grand Duke Max Dragoons where all these complaints will be swiftly amended by an active series of retreats and forced marches.
(Caution; inability to keep up may result in termination of life by others.)
Lord Percy Percy says, as fashion is tending towards the incompetent, the Brigade of Guards is considered considerably fashionable nowadays.
Lord Percy Percy says that, as fashion is tending towards repetitive patterns, nobody has more fashionable press than I. Time to retire.
(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)
Those men who became Blue,
Those that swam through
The Seine in all its glory,
But those men were now made poorly.
What a shame to see their pride -
Crushed under the ice it died.
That nature saw the off
And now they have a cough.
Achoo, Achoo, Achoo