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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for February 1670

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

To Officers & Soldiers of Picardy Musketeers:
As Paris nightlife this Winter seems non-existent, we must get our blood flowing in battle. I will be taking the Picardy Musketeers to the front for the Month of March to kill Spanish men and bed Spanish ladies. If any officers don't want to get their swords out, best let me know, otherwise it is off to use our swords, and our swords.
† Col. Jacques Diabolick

That'll be for March, April and May... † Le Roi

Capable and Energetic officer sought for 2nd Army Adj. Applications to General commanding. † UXB

New Brigadier needs Aide to answer the avalanche of fan mail that is the inevitable by-product of commanding the finest cavalry regiment in the King's army. Must be hard-working, able to read, write, and ride a horse, not necessarily in that order. The ability to make a decent coffee in the morning also a plus. Interested candidates of appropriate rank and station to apply to B.Gen (Brev.) The Marquis Etienne Brule at the Dragoon Guards Regimental Headquarters, Boulevard de la Victoire, Paris.

Volunteers welcome to join the QOC. Ability to ride a horse required, unlike in our sister regiment, the Dragoon Guards,
Apply to the regimental headquarters.
† Cuckpowder

Despatches from the Front

Field Report from the QMG, 1st Army
Last month we (the RNHB) trialled the Hudson Bay Trading Company Flintlocks. Sadly, these were totally useless and wildly inaccurate, but did make a frightful thunderous bang that had the Dutch ducking for cover to avoid the storm they though was about to rain down on them; I have managed to sell these to local farmers as Bird scarers.
This month we are going to trial some new Camouflage gear designed by Miss Triss for the Boys. These are bright orange full-body suits made of some plastic (Latex!) manufactured by Tan-Go, a Chinese import company - apparently the Dutch Peasants always dress like this on nights out in Amsterdam and they would never attack one of their own, so we are going to give it a trial. I am slightly concerned that these outfits will stick out against the snowdrifts, but Monsieur Triss has advised that these are for nocturnal use only, so this negates this potential downside. They do have the advantage of keeping one nice and warm, but are devilishly difficult to peel off.

Camp of the King's Musketeers, Dutch border
    "Felix, darling, I've just heard the wonderful news... they've made you a Knight!"
    "Oh Trissy... sob... wail... there's been a terrible mistake... I don't know what to do with myself, it's simply so embarrassing... sniff..."
    "Whatever do you mean, sweetheart? Why are you so sad?"
    "Take a look at this official letter from the Palace; see for yourself, my love."
    "To Lt Colonel Gauchepied'er ... His Majesty ... delighted to recognise your actions ... heroic conduct against the enemies of France ... in recognition of such ... raises you to the title of Knight of the Realm ... a great example to all other men serving the Kingdom... What on earth is wrong with this, Felix?"
    "Can't you see, Trissy? Some administrative lackey has messed it all up and failed to note I should have been made a DAME, not some Knight! What will all our friends think? I shall write to His Majesty immediately, I am sure he will understand and sort this out and I shall write to Pierrie-poos and Dunkie, too: they will help me."

Social

Gentlemen of Paris
It seems that the race I sponsored in January was very popular and, despite my abysmal performance on horseback, I found it rather enjoyable!
How about a rematch for those interested? I did have some comment about the type of people I invited, so will be a little more exclusive this time.
So, first week of March, let's have another horse race with a drink or two after at the Fleur.
† Baron de la Crème

[OOC Horse race, week 1 of March. SL 12+ only invited.]

WNM will be holding a party at Bothwell's 1st and 2nd weeks of March. All characters SL 8 or above are welcome. All costs will be covered.

Advance notice: Prinny is proud to sponsor the annual Jacques As Memorial Stakes - April, week 4, at the Prix d'Or.

Military Missives

To Lt. Colonel Xavier Money:
Sir:
Allow me to introduce myself: my name is Augustin Fourier and I am newly arrived in Paris. Since I have a strong desire to establish myself in service to the defence of France and since I possess some talent with horses, I put forward my name to be enrolled into the noble company of Grand Duke Max's Dragoons. I promise to project honour, determination, and integrity and to never bring disgrace to the unit. Please accept my bona fides and allow me the honour of serving with you in this distinguished regiment.
    Your Obedient, † Augustin Fourier

To: Augustin Fourier
Monsieur,
Bienvenu en Paris!
The GDMD would love to have a competent horseman such as yourself in our ranks. Please report to the regimental barracks on Tuesday at 10am, where Sergeant Stronginthearm will commence your induction.
    Yours, etc, † XM

Personal

RdL to GlS
Sir, with your permission I would now like to purchase the vacant Major position now that I know I have enough CRs to do so. I would like to do this before we ride into battle next month. I am looking forward to serving the Royal Marines on the Frontier.

Lord Percy Percy says, as fashion is tending towards the pointed toes, Monsieur Gauchepied'r could do with some fashionable footwear.

To Lt.Colonel de Frocked
The 1st Battalion of Cardinal's Guard will be joining you in Rome. I hope I will be fortunate enough to catch a sight of His Holiness the Pope while I am there.
† Major Jean d'Ice

Cher Brule,
You did well at the front last season. Congratulations. † TC

The Foot Guards are apparently refusing all recruits who do not have silver spoons in their mouths. † La parapluie Jaune

Brigadier Sir Duncan d'Eauneurts to,
His Excellency General le Vicomte Pierre le Sang, His Majesty's Minister of State
Greetings!
Your Excellency,
I have now served His Majesty as Commissioner of Public Safety for almost a year. During this time I successfully brought charges against the infamous Rick O'Shea and have executed all your subsequent instructions with equal vigour. Additionally, unlike previous holders of the post, I have refrained from abusing the position by misusing its powers for my personal ends.
The office of Commissioner falls vacant in March and to be re-appointed to the post would be esteemed an honour by
    Your Excellency's Most Loyal and Devoted Servant,
† Sir Duncan d'Eauneurts

OK, Monsieur high and mighty Lt-Col-in-the-King's-Musketeers Gauchepied'er; I kept my nose out of your business (unlike half of Paris's demi-monde, from what I hear). So what prompted you to block my attempts at getting promotion in my own regiment? Quoi? † JZL

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

Augustin Fourier arrives in Paris
1 A Young Man Goes to Paris
To see the grandest city in the nation.
Though born a misbegotten youth,
He yearns to improve his station.
2 With dreams of ancient heraldry,
And wanderlust to sate,
Armed with courage, pluck and élan
He ventures forth to meet his fate.
3 Striding amongst the people along the Seine,
His countenance friendly and serene,
He announces, Greetings mes amis!
Je m'appelle Augustin.