Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.
If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)
Orders for January 1677 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, Uxbridge UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by 12th September 2025.
Game Report for December 1676
Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.
The end of 1676 approaches and Parisians are determined to see it out in style. In some cases this means fighting duels - honour will be satisfied. First up we have Hugh Jeneaux taking on Charles PiedLuminaire over the latter's disgraceful behaviour with Mlle de Lô. As good cavalrymen, both carry sabres, though Charles is the more adept of the two. Apart from this, they appear evenly matched and neither man has a second. Trying to surprise his opponent, Hugh opens with a lunge. However, Charles is ready for this. He parries the attack and ripostes to score first blood (not very much blood, given the blow is with the blunt end of a sabre). This is plenty for Hugh and he surrenders.
Time for some regimental animosity now as Major Arent Hayes of the Crown Prince's Cuirassiers squares up to Captain Sebastiane Blanc-Chevaux of the 53rd Fusiliers. The regiments mean it's sabre versus rapier and Arent has by far the greater skill. He also out-bulks his opponent. Again, no seconds are in evidence. Arent launches into a furious slash, but Sebastiane sees this coming and blocks the slash, his rapier withstanding the blow. However, his timing isn't good and his retaliatory lunge meets a cut coming the other way. Ouch! Arent sustains a small cut, while Sebastiane has a bloody wound. Sebastiane's attack is also furious, though, and his cut strikes Arent more effectively. Arent thinks about this and then capitulates.
Sebastiane is expecting to meet Arent's colleague Stephane Etrange next, but this encounter is held over to January.
The duelling field appears to be empty when Baron Claude de Nord arrives, although nearby a solitary ostler in a thick cloak against the cold stands with a horse. The man taps his hat and nods to the open field. This draws Nord's attention to the usual place of satisfaction where a single rapier stands, point embedded in the ground, skewering a letter to the grass. Hanging from it is a medallion. The rapier looks used and is adorned with the crest of Count Jean Jeanie, the medallion recognisable close up as the seal of office of the War Ministry, the letter addressed to de Nord.
Baron de Nord,
I regret that I will not meet you this day, or on any other day. After recent killings, I choose not to risk another loss to the higher ranks of the armies.
Paris has been decent to me throughout my career - spent mostly in the RFG, including as Colonel, before becoming a General. But the omens have become clearer as the autumn set in. A system where having a long and decorated military career - thirty-seven Mentions in Dispatches! - means that taking up the Ministry of War leads to dissatisfaction at the palace is regrettable. A lesser man can take the position.
And, as the days grow short this year, first I lose my fortune, and then lovely Jacky is seduced away, and by a Musketeer at that! Oh, don't be offended, I understand you are doing well enough there. The last month has been the first without her for years and, added to the regular missives from His Majesty, I find that the lights of Paris are dimmed and entertainments grow bland. A long winter does not appeal.
So a breaking point has been reached. Keep Jacky well, de Nord, until another takes her as you took her from me.
One thing, if you will, sir. I charge you to return the ministry seal to the palace and request that this letter is displayed at the Fleur for one week. I believe that you are a member of only a lesser club, but who knows, the Fleur may take pity on you. I believe my standing there remains good, maybe they'll let you look around!
Be well, de Nord, and Vive La France!
Count Jean Jeanie, General, Minister of War (retd)
P.S. if you could get that horrid little oik who's prancing around as the RFG junior Major out of the army, please do!"
On reaching the end of the letter de Nord looks up. The only sound is hoofbeats as the stable hand rides up the hill away from Paris. As he crests a rise, one could imagine that he stops to look for a last time at the city and sits taller in the saddle, a fine rapier at his side, before turning away.
Returning to the private places used for clandestine clashes, we find Frank X Change. He didn't turn up to second Claude, but has remembered his own duel. Not that there will be a fight as Zeold von Tu is still too wounded from last month's encounters.
Balzac Slapdash and Con Stantinople are the next to actually cross swords. The Dragoon Guards (which Balzac commands) being enemies with the Queen's Own Carabiners (where Con is junior Major). Although sabres are to be expected on both sides, Balzac prefers his trusty rapier. His substantial build and superb skill give him a clear advantage over the pint-sized Con and so it proves. Balzac lunges, Con slashes and then surrenders.
After which Balzac wipes down his rapier and takes it to meet the QOC commander, Justin Thyme. Justin is a bit beefier than Con, but there's not much in it. And he's no more skilled. He does, however, have seconds. Both Rick Shaw and Zavier Ulric Turenne turn up to support him. Again, the rapier lunges, the sabre slashes. This time, nobody concedes. However, a cut from Justin's sabre is enough for Balzac and he gives in.
Surprise volunteers
There being no applicants to be Minister of State, His Majesty turns to one of his old friends, Comte Monty Christie, who is a safe pair of hands when it comes to not doing anything that will make waves.
The commander of the 69th Arquebusiers, Thibault Chanson de Skye, is more choosy when appointing a Regimental Adjutant. He picks the best man for the job, even if he is the regiment's most junior Captain. Intending to go wooing and expecting it to be expensive, Thibault takes out a substantial loan. And is surprised to receive a small gift.
Having suggested that the Brigadier of First Foot should quit, Armand Alsace backs up his words with some cash. However, it's Jacques Hatt who really persuades the man, weighing in with his and Cath's influence. This leaves a vacancy for a new Brigadier, but Armand hasn't applied for it. Who will?
Similarly, Charles PiedLuminaire would like the Colonel of his regiment (Princess Louisa's) to resign. Louis Severin Descartes calls in some hefty favours to make sure this happens, despite opposition from "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick. "Unfortunately, this gentleman's overall mediocre performance is holding back the impact of the Brigade as a whole. New leadership is necessary!" insists Louis. Charles is quick to borrow some cash from Louis and then buy his way into the rank. Further down the regiment, Subaltern Dee Jean Aise purchases a Captaincy, but then discovers he's not qualified to join the Frog & Peach.
Having applied to take command of Third Division, Henri DuShite is disappointed to find that the position is already occupied. Hmm, more research needed, Henri.
And then the Guards Brigadier volunteers his command for active service through the winter. Hold that: it's just the Royal Foot Guards that Terence Cuckpowder mobilises (though Brigade HQ is going too). Of the RFG officers, only the CO, Camille de Polignac, is expecting this. He could at least have warned Lieutenant-Colonel Martin de Garnache, Majors Hector William Boone and Thierry Toothpick (hang on: is that the same man who's threatened to arrest Terence and put him on trial again?) and Captains Felipe Savant and Neville Moore. That's the last Paris will see of them for three months... And Thierry had just re-scheduled his debts, too, using some of the cash raised to pay his Tangerine entourage.
They have some company on the road to the Netherlands. Jean d'Aubergine orders the Fourth Arquebusiers into action. Rick Shaw decides the Royal North Highlanders are good bunch to be with this winter. And Justin Cartier throws in his lot with the Frontier regiments without bringing his battalion with him.
If it's Christmas, there must be parties
Parties abound this December, it seems. Hugo Furst has them all classified. First, there's the "pre-party party" as he takes Ella carousing at his club: "the festive season is a marathon NOT a sprint!" Others, however, start the partying. Louis Renault gets a good turnout for his commemoration of the Feast Day of St Nicholas of Myra. A good few of those attend Mass with him and Maggie beforehand (that's Balzac, Chemin, Elroi - though he fidgets all the way through the service, Felipe, Hugo, Justin S and even the CPS, Thierry). Nothing like a state of grace before starting the revels. There is a bit of a squabble, though as Balzac Slapdash renews the mutual hostility between his regiment and that of Con Stantinople and Justin Thyme. Elroi le Flingue is distinctly worried that any wine thrown around may end up on his nice new Lt-Colonel's uniform and keeps well away.
Down the road in Bothwell's, freshly minted Colonel Botte Le Chimiste (he's paid off his loans, too) holds his early Christmas party for a select few. Louis Severin Descartes congratulates the new Colonel of the GDMD, where he has served for a full 3 years. He proposes toasts to "the Fallen, on victories past and future, and on the new commander. And on the very welcome fact that Descartes will never have duels with regimental enemies ever again!"
Who was where: in the clubs |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Fleur de Lys | FXC + Justine | ZvT + Morgane | FXC + Justine | JiT + Guinevere |
| JH + Cath | FXC + Justine | BeV + Lotte | FXC + Justine | |
| LR + Maggie | LSD + Edna | . HS + Sue | LSD + Edna | |
| . ZUT + Laura | . TCdS + Katy | . VdF | . TCdS + Katy | |
| . FdB + Freda | . BLC + Eve | GdB + Bette | . BLC + Eve | |
| . JS | . AA | . ZUT + Laura | . ElF | |
| . BS + Alison | . ElF | . BS + Alison | . CPL | |
| . HS + Sue | . MD + Belle | . HJ | . MD + Belle | |
| . JiT + Guinevere | BeV + Lotte | . HF + Ella | GdB + Bette | |
| . VdF | . HS + Sue | . MHD | . ZUT + Laura | |
| . AH | . VdF | . PDT + Sal | . BS + Alison | |
| . BC | GdB + Bette | . LSD + Edna | . HJ | |
| . AA | . ZUT + Laura | . CS + Anne | . HF + Ella | |
| . ElF + Lucy | . BS + Alison | . ID | . MHD | |
| . CdF + Jenny | . HJ | . CA | . AH | |
| . GdB + Bette | . HF + Ella | . JH + Cath | . PDT + Sal | |
| . CS + Anne | . MHD | . LR + Maggie | . CS + Anne | |
| . SBC | . ID | |||
| . AH | . CA | |||
| . PDT + Sal | . JH + Cath | |||
| . CS + Anne | . LR + Maggie | |||
| . ID | ||||
| . CA | ||||
| . JH + Cath | ||||
| . LR + Maggie | ||||
| Outside Fleur de Lys | DJA (LR) | |||
| Bothwell's | BLC + Eve | CdN + Jacky | CdN + Jacky | |
| . PPuf + Viv | ||||
| . LSD + Edna | ||||
| . CdN + Jacky | ||||
| Hunter's | HF + Ella | |||
| Frog & Peach | PDT + Sal | JS | JS | |
| Shows who was in or outside a club: . = Toady to character above; (G) = Gambled; CP = Crown Prince; (id) = expected host; bold = first visit to new club; underline = first time mistress seen in public with this beau. | ||||
Second, says Hugo, is "the 'Is it Christmas yet?' party". He takes Ella with him to Greg's shindig "to keep me in check (while carousing) and guide me home. (Spoiler alert: it isn't Christmas yet.)" In fact, there's competition between Louis Severin Descartes and Greg de Bécqueur, both hosting in the Fleur. A feature of Greg's gatherings is the copious supply of plum pudding. "I love plum pudding," notes the host. While Louis describes his guests as "mostly a collection of old GDMD comrades and some other young officers who [I'm] supporting in their career, plus a few old friends." Ben e'Volence gets in on the act, too, but his bash is small beer (and no pudding) in comparison. A slew of regimental challenges result. Interestingly, most of them are inter-party rather than intra-party. Everybody at Louis's do gets on with each other; they're just not so happy with the other lot. This time it's Come Asiouar who's protective of his nice new Lt-Colonel's uniform, partly purchased with his gift from Claude de Nord - the commander of his enemy regiment!
However, the talk of the Fleur is provided by Zeold von Tu when he brings his new conquest, Morgane Le Fay, to the club. Apparently, he found her in a dishevelled state after spending time in the Bastille. "It was those horrid little men painted orange," she wept when Zeold found her. She's certainly grateful to her new beau.
Hugo's third is the "Santa's on his way" party and time to "compile my pressie list". Louis actually suspends his own party to attend Greg's for one week and this noticeably reduces the friction between partygoers. Only for the week, though.
The finale is the "Who's been naughty, who's been nice?" party, according to Hugo. Still Toadying to Greg, he has taken Ella "to help me carouse and unwrap my HUGE pile of pressies (and to dispose of the wrappings in an eco-responsible manner. Her wrappings ... well, they come later)." This doesn't stop the regimental challenges being repeated. Louis's group remains peaceful at what their host describes as "his wholesome Christmas gathering with mulled wine".
Who was where: courting, visiting and going out |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Alison | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Anne | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Belle | Out | Out | ||
| BC fails | ||||
| Bette | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Cath | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Edna | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Ella | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Eve | Out | Out | Out | |
| Freda | Out | SDS fails | ||
| DJA fails | ||||
| Guinevere | Out | Out | ||
| Jacky | Out | Out | Out | |
| Jenny | Out | |||
| Justine | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Katy | TCdS succeeds | Out | TCdS at home | Out |
| PPuf fails | PPuf fails | PPuf fails | ||
| Laura | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Lotte | Out | Out | ||
| Lucy | Out | |||
| Maggie | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Morgane | ZvT succeeds ex-TC | Out | ||
| Sal | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Sue | Out | Out | Out | |
| Violet | CPL succeeds | BC succeeds ex-CPL | ||
| Viv | Out | |||
| Shows who was with a mistress or on a doorstep: Out = Mistress with current lover; I = Indiscreet (+ mistress name); ex-id = Pinched from former lover; st.down = stood down to rivals. | ||||
Donating to the needy
In the courting stakes, we find Freda is not amenable to visitor's charms even when she's at home. Barthélemy Chiffert shows that switching objectives can work, but earns a duel into the bargain. (Charles PiedLuminaire may want to re-think his approach post-success, especially as it left him at a party without a date.) Percival Puffington demonstrates that persistence is not always a good idea, much to the amusement of Thibault Chanson de Skye. And Zeold von Tu uses the time-honoured tactic of courting someone whose bloke is on active service. It's fine now, but he'll be in trouble come March.
Reeling out of a bawdy house, Sebastiane Blanc-Chevaux makes a point of jingling the few crowns he's kept in his purse. "Here you go, lads," he cries when some disreputable types approach. "This lot's for you!" he finishes and chucks them the money.
It's not been a good month for Steve De Sade, what with Freda not being amenable. And if only he could remember who it was he was going to Toady to... Still, he got in a bit of practice.
Who was where: round and about |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Bawdy houses | MHD + FC | AH + FC | JS + FC | |
| SBC + FC: Mug-5 | AA + FC | VdF + FC | ||
| ID + FC | DJA + FC | HDS + FC | ||
| CA + FC | BdLS + FC | |||
| Practising | HJ - Sabre | FdB - Sabre | FdB - Sabre | FdB - Sabre |
| HDS - Cutlass | JiT - Sabre | JiT - Sabre | HS - Rapier | |
| JdG - Rapier | HDS - Cutlass | ZvT - Rapier | ZvT - Rapier | |
| BeV - Sabre | JdG - Rapier | SBC - Rapier | SBC - Rapier | |
| MD - Sabre | CdF - Cutlass | HDS - Cutlass | JdG - Rapier | |
| SDS - Sabre | CdN - Sabre | BLC - Sabre | BC - Rapier | |
| BdLS - Cutlass | CPL - Sabre | JdG - Rapier | AA - Rapier | |
| BdLS - Foil | ElF - Sabre | CdF - Cutlass | ||
| CdF - Cutlass | BeV - Sabre | |||
| CPL - Sabre | DJA - Sabre | |||
| MD - Sabre | ||||
| BdLS - Foil | ||||
| Regimental Duties | IP | |||
| Busy doing nothing | SDS -Toady to ???? | SDS -Toady to ???? | ||
| Shows everybody else: FC = Female Companionship; Mug n = Mugged & amount lost; (G) = Gambled; Weapon = Weapon practised with. For those doing nothing: -club = not a member of a club; -Cash = insufficient funds; -SL = insufficient Social Level; ???? = Toadying to unknown host. | ||||
Looting in the rain
The weather is wet and miserable and so are the French troops laying siege to Dutch strongholds. Especially the ones who didn't want to be there in the first place. However, the Royal Foot Guards put a brave face on it and do what they do best - pillage the countryside. The new boss, Camille de Polignac, receives a Mention in Despatches ("that peasant didn't stand a chance") and carries off more than five hundred crowns worth of loot. Lt-Col Martin de Garnache can't find quite as much booty, so no Mention for him. Major Hector William Boone can only amass some three hundred crowns' worth, but gets a pair of MiDs ("That was a tough peasant!") and is Knighted as a result. His fellow Major, "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick, concentrates on the looting and gets close to a thousand crowns' worth. The same amount is achieved by Captain Felipe Savant, but Neville Moore is so distracted by the circumstances that he gets nothing. Brigadier Terence Cuckpowder pulls in close to a thousand crowns, too.
The Fourth Arquebusiers follow the RFG's example, but with less competence. CO Jean d'Aubergine enriches himself to the tune of some five hundred crowns to go with his own Mention ("Just following suit").
Attached to Frontier regiment 2, Justin Cartier survives the damp and the misery.
But there's better news for Rick Shaw who grabs over fifteen hundred crowns' worth of plunder as the RNHB overruns a Spanish outpost.