Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for July 1676

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

** Aide Required **
I am looking for a competent aide.
Please contact me with your credentials.
† (Brevet) Bdr-General Count Thyme

Injured at the Front? Make sure you have sufficient bandages. Le Chimiste's Pre-loved Hygienic Cloth Bindings™ are only 5 Cr per roll.

** Join the QOC **
Gentleman of Paris, if you are new to the city or are looking for a new Regiment, then you can do no better than join the Queen's Own Carabiniers.
Please contact me for more details, and some financial help is available.
† Count Thyme

Despatches from the Front

Here I am, without much military talent of my own, currently without an Aide, under the command of a General who, in common with his staff, is as talentless as he is faceless and nameless. Condemned to defend we have no choice but dig in and pray. "Anyone got a shovel?"

The last battle went poorly; I have applied for command of the regiment, and will redeem their and my name.
† CE, 13F

...off to war in order to recover from wounds! Anon

La guerre. La guerre ne change jamais.
† Major Chemin de Fer, RM

Try to find nice firm ground for the lads to charge. Trouble is, it's the Low Countries: full of Mud, Ditches, Mud, Ponds, Rivers and Mud. My batman is going to be very busy cleaning all of the mud off.
Anon 2

Greg de Bécqueur's reading list at the front.
June:
Week 1 Thirty Years Of Hurt by François de Créquy.
Week 2 Success or Successor? by Claude de Villars.
Week 3 A Nice Cup Of Tea And A Sit-Down by Louis de Bourbon.
Week 4 A Tall Order by François-Henri de Montmorency.
July:
Week 1 Lunettes, Latrines, And Other Inconveniences by François de Créquy.
Week 2 Besiege Me Not by François-Henri de Montmorency.
Week 3 Condé, Cavalry, and Coffee by Louis de Bourbon.
Week 4 My memoir: a humble, insecure reminiscence: Remember Me? Equestrian Statue or Bust.

Re: July, week 1 - Surely a latrine is a convenience?
† Le Roi

Personal

My fellow Parisians,
I wish all His Majesty's soldiers success at the front during the summer campaign season. I must also turn my attention to matters of state.
After a turbulent period I feel Paris needs to regain its joie de vivre and have therefore decided to keep the position of CPS open until after the summer campaign. Attention is focussed on military duties at this time and in September I can consider candidates who may have acquitted themselves in His Majesty's service.
I thank L Colonel Toothpick for his service, but feel his mental health may benefit from a rest from the duties of CPS.
Your humble servant,
† Earl Rick Shaw, MoS

Sammy Phipps looked up as Arent Hayes walked in.
    "Were you followed?" he asked.
    "Of course," replied Arent, "but I shouted that Cuckpowder was robbing the Shylocks over there and the little orange pips all ploughed in - huge ruckus, in which I could quietly slip away."
    "Hmm, they are everywhere these days. Are we all set?"
    "Yes - everything and everyone is in place and ready to go."
    "OK, let us see if we cannot flush out the DOMINION. Stay Frosty, Arent, my Old Friend - see you in 3 months."

L Colonel Toothpick,
Thank you for your letters and offer to continue serving as CPS. However, I feel Paris would benefit from a fresh approach.
The ladies of Paris still mutter about your treatment of the unfortunate Morgan le Fey and a number of gentlemen were extremely inconvenienced by their subsequent strike over her prosecution.
If you are looking for a new opportunity, I believe there is a Carthusian monastery in Gascony looking for a new prior.
Regards,
† Rick Shaw, MoS

Dear friends,
I hope you can join me in congratulating the King on the birth of his daughter, Françoise-Marie. Long may you, Sir, and your virile manhood reign!
Many have mentioned the orange menace, TTT. I feel he is slightly deranged and misunderstood. Therefore I will be trying to get him under control.
Anyone who has a grievance against him - and I am one of them - please let me know and I am sure he will apologise for his behaviour.
† CDN

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

Just returned from the Dutch frontier,
Wondering why I returned back here.
It's back to the front for the summer campaign
And in three months' time we'll be back again.
At least while we're here I won't get bored,
I'll watch some duels when I second Claude.
† FXC

1 Why would we wish to leave this place?
Paris! City of Light and grace.
Why should we march away to war:
To Mud and Blood and Wounds and Gore?
2 Because we serve our Noble King
And Honour makes us do this thing.
Our orders are both clear and blunt:
To War we go - we're Back to Front.
† Major Maurice Danseur DG

A sample "nursery rhyme" for Toothpick's Tiny Terrors:
1 Twinky, stinky, rotten eggs,
How I wonder that your legs
Lift you off the world not high,
Just a tiny thing but sly.
2 Here's a frog, and here's a rat,
Keep them safely in your hat.
You might need a tasty snack to
Keep you fed till Toothpick's back.

1 Marquis Louis Severin Descartes rides out in easy state,
His infantry in steady files march firmly at his gait.
Maastricht and its old walls appear like comrades from before,
While drums of the 3rd Brigade beat brightly on to war.
2 Though bred for horse and sabre, not the slow infantry pace,
He smiles to serve with Jacques Hatt, that good old friendly face.
He dreams of Edna Bucquette, of silk, perfume, and light,
And vows to come back safe to her with purse and name made bright.
3 With luck, he'll leave the Lowlands crowned with purse and bright renown,
Then race his finest chestnuts home and wager half of town.
† Marquis Louis Severin Descartes

Oops! † Le Roi