Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for May 1675

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

The Picardy Musketeers are looking for fine young men, especially those with the qualities that would make them good Officers. Financial assistance available to those Officers that need it. We are off to the Front next Month!

Apologies to the Dragoon Guards: I meant to send the whole Brigade. I am coming to join you in recompense.
† Cuckpowder

Our loyal regiment lacks fresh fine young soldiers. Join the 53rd Fusiliers!
† A. Alsace, acting Regimental Commander

Aide required for Brigadier General Xavier Money. Must be prepared to fight.

** Join the QOC **
Gentleman of Paris, if you are new to the city or are looking for a new Regiment, then you can do no better than join the Queen’s Own Carabiniers. Please contact me for more details, and some financial help is available.
† Earl Thyme

I am looking for an assistant. Tedious Tiny Thierry Toothpick is growing tiresome. Why can’t we all just get along?

Despatches from the Front

Father Jean-Pierre,
I see with great relief that you will be praying for the souls of the brave men who died under my command in the GDMD.
Their ultimate sacrifice is never to be forgotten and their loss weighs on my soul.
I am sure after the service you will join my good friend and namesake Sir Louis in his club for a drink.
May I ask then – once this event is over – that you may join the GDMD as a regimental chaplain for the rest of this campaign?
It seems we may need just a bit of divine intervention out here, to bring the boys back alive!
Please include the living of the GDMD in your prayers!
† Louis Severin Descartes
Br. Brigadier General GDMD

Social

To the soldiery of Paris:
As the Summer Campaign season looms, we must sharpen our tactical wits as well as our rapiers and sabres. All are invited to join myself and the lovely Ms. Cruz (who will be pouring refreshments) at my club to discuss military matters over wine and cheese. Topics will include “making sure your men know the pointy end,” “ducking with panache,” and “a review of hand signals for tactical engagements such as breaching a doorway, approaching an enemy guard-post, or plundering an enemy warehouse.”
Yours in service to the King,
† Neville Moore

Personal

Lord Percy Percy says, as fashion is tending towards the tawdry, Tint Theirry Toothpick is just so fashionable, dearies.

Jean d’Aubergine was lost. It had been 25 years since his uncle, and namesake, had led him as a child through the streets of Paris, and now he had turned down another wrong lane. His feet hurt. Was it that the boots were new or instead that he’d put them on the wrong feet?
He remembered his uncle Jean’s final instructions, before his untimely choking death at a recent dinner event: “seek out Colonel Thomas de la Lune. I once sent him a case of the House Aubergine Bordeaux, and he owes me at least that. And take my Hook Gun; the Arquebusiers are a respectable regiment, though I know you can’t tell one end of that weapon from the other. And if you do find yourself at the front, don’t be brave, don’t be stupid, and don’t turn tail.”
Sadly, the lad could not follow even these orders, as he turned round from the blind alley into which he’d wandered off the Rue de St Honoré and so, having ignobly spun round, he meandered off to find some moneylenders who might fleece him most efficiently. It was getting late, after all.

Brevet Lieutenant General Louis Renault would like to thank all those who offered their support as appointment as First Army Divisional Commander. May God give us his blessing and make us victorious against France’s enemies this summer.

Leaked to the Press by Persons unknown
For Your Eyes Only
Dear Field Marshall De Gain,
I do not know who to trust. My cousin Kit and his friend Petit (Garcon-Riche) have already lost their lives in seeking this information, but they always spoke most kindly of you as a True Hero of France, with one of the best military brains that France has ever seen.
I have recovered the effects of my late cousin. There are some notes that I have forwarded to you, but to summarise:
1. The DOMINION are a Cartel of wicked people who wish to overthrow Le Roi and establish a Presidency under someone whose codename is “Trompe-l’oeil’.
2. My cousin was convinced that the letters in DOMINION are code names for the Conspirators – in total there are 8 of these miscreants using codenames beginning with D, I, I, M, N, N, O and O.
3. One, known only under the codename “Norseman” (the last N in the sequence), has a leading role in Society – Kit suspected this is none other than our illustrious CPS Du Nord, as the man has no pedigree or breeding but has quietly risen to the top of the King’s Musketeers whose job is to guard the Royal family. “Norseman, Du Nord” – coincidence? – maybe. I think he should be watched closely.
4. I will try and track down Kit’s informant to get more information, but this may prove difficult.
Yours,
† Michael Chevalier-Cavalier

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

Shall I compare thee to time at the Front?
The gentle source of my curious desire;
‘Tis not from the sun for a shelter I hunt,
Though ‘tis hot I do not avoid its fire.
Should I not return, I know you will cope.
You’ve given me strength, a will to survive,
Thanks to you, I know not to rely upon hope.
I’ll return to you, in one piece and alive.
More death than life here, yet I live for you,
Always miles away when to me you write.
Transported from all this hullabaloo
‘Tis for France and for your love that I fight.
† FXC

Oh, Katy Did,
What did you do?
Did you not love me like I loved you?
Did not our hearts once entwine?
Did not we live on champagne and wine?
Did not we hold each other tight?
Did not we dance all through the night?
Did not you think of what might be?
Why did you embark on the path of lunacy?
Katy, dear, do you soundly sleep?
While at dawn, my honour I must keep.
Should I find steel now fills my heart,
Remember me as from this life I do depart.