Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.
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Orders for June AND July 1675 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, UXBRIDGE UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by 8th December 2023.
Game Report for May 1675
Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.
It’s the last month before the campaign season – one last chance for the soldiers to enjoy themselves in Paris before they march off to war. But first there are affairs of honour to settle. Ray de Sofdelosdarc has quite a few of these to deal with. He opts to start with an enemy, Antoine d’Eques. Eques offers to defer their meeting in favour of Sofdelosdarc’s other opponents, but Sofdelosdarc insists they should fight first. Eques is the slighter of the two, but has both a sabre – to match against Sofdelosdarc’s rapier – and more skill. Sofdelosdarc proves himself to be a canny duellist: he blocks a slash and dodges a cut before drawing blood with a lunge. He blocks another slash, but his lack of skill finally catches up and Eques hits home with a cut. Sofdelosdarc surrenders.
He’s not too badly injured, though, and chooses to meet Vinne d’Pooh next. As if facing a sabre wasn’t bad enough for Sofdelosdarc, Pooh uses a cutlass (well, he is in the Marines). He has more expertise, too, but is quite a small fellow. Bizarrely, Sofdelosdarc essays a parry. He is promptly knocked down by a simple slash. He is quick to concede the fight before the heavy blade can do any more damage.
Meanwhile, Thomas de la Lune starts his own sequence of duels by meeting Louis Renault. Lune is the heftier of the two, but is carrying old injuries. Both men wield rapiers, but Lune has greater proficiency. Zavier Ulric Turenne is on hand to second Renault, but there’s no sign of Maurice Pauvre, his other second. Expecting a lunge, Renault parries, but Lune hits him with a slash. Both men lunge, inflicting hits, and Renault surrenders.
Lune re-hydrates and squares up to Come Asiouar, another rapier fighter, but one without Lune’s skills. Both men have old injuries, but Lune has the size advantage as well. Asiouar goes for a parry, but Lune hits him with a slash and Asiouar surrenders. This approach is working well for Lune.
Renault and Turenne re-appear, now as seconds to Maurice Pauvre, who has materialised now it’s his fight. It’s once more rapier versus rapier with Lune the more skilled. However, Pauvre is fresh, while Lune is carrying injuries and beginning to look tired. For a third time, Lune’s slash outwits his opponent to draw first blood from his parrying adversary. Both men lunge and then cut and it’s finally Lune’s turn to concede.
Injured as he now is, Lune declines to meet Ray de Sofdelosdarc, who likewise declines the duel. Sofdelosdarc cannot meet Pauvre either. And Lune refuses his meetings with Ramond Repose de la Tombe and Tiny Thierry Toothpick – not that Toothpick was going to turn up. Toothpick doesn’t meet Vinne d’Pooh either, claiming his military duties are keeping him too busy.
Regimental changes
Toothpick’s military duties comprise resigning the Colonelcy of the 69th Arquebusiers to join the King’s Musketeers as a lowly Subaltern. KM Colonel Claude de Nord is happy to welcome him into the regiment. Nord signs up Frank X Change – formerly a Major in the Crown Prince Cuirassiers – for the KMs as well. Change purchases a Captaincy.
Having lost a Major, Ben e’Volence, as commander of the CPCs, gains a Subaltern in the form of Beau Nidle, a new arrival in Paris. A substantial gift from e’Volence eases Nidle’s introduction to the regiment and Parisian society.
Similarly, Colonel Justin Thyme of the Queen’s Own Carabiniers gives a hefty sum to Come Asiouar (who’s a Major in the Picardy Musketeers). Asiouar is grateful, since he can’t borrow as much as he’d like from the moneylenders (his credit’s not that good), and quits the PMs to join Thyme’s command. Asiouar buys a Captaincy. What neither of them seems to be expecting is that their Brigadier, Terence Cuckpowder, now volunteers the rest of the Brigade (ie them) to join the Dragoon Guards in action.
Using his family connection (see Press), Jean d’Aubergine applies to CO Thomas de la Lune for admittance to the 4th Arquebusiers and is welcomed with open arms. With a top-up from the moneylenders, Aubergine buys his way to the rank of Major and second in command of the regiment (since the senior Major is serving with the Brigade).
Another fresh face, Pierre Luckless, seems to be living up to his name when Armand Alsace refuses his application to the 53rd Fusiliers. The new commander of the 69th Arquebusiers is more amenable and signs him up. Luckless spends his borrowings to become a Subaltern in the 69th.
Lieutenant-General Rick Shaw takes advantage of his position as Adjutant-General to appoint himself commander of Second Division instead. This gives him a juicy command for the campaign season.
Faced with the prospect of a last month in Paris before the campaign starts, 13F Major Antoine d’Eques volunteers himself for duty with a Frontier regiment.
Lt-General Bernard de Lur-Saluces goes one better by signing up for a month with the Royal North Highlanders.
Having bought his way to Major, Zeold von Tu mobilises his new command – the first battalion of the Cardinal’s Guard – and leads them into action.
And, after the bailiffs visit and he can’t repay his loans (with interest), Pierre a’Noyer is off to a Frontier regiment.
The big party
May’s social life kicks off with a big party in the Fleur de Lys for “the Royal Foot Guards, King’s Musketeers and Ministers of the Crown”. It is hosted, of course, by the commander of the RFG and Minister of State, Beau Reese Jean Seine. Accompanied, as always at these affairs, by Chris Pacquette.
The guests begin with Les Anonyme and Carole Singeurs. Ben e’Volence and Lotte Bottle are next. Claude de Nord brings Madelaine de Proust, while Camille de Polignac is unaccompanied. Felipe Savant escorts Pet Ulante. Hector William Boone is on his own, as is Louis Renault (though he does have a personal invitation that includes a +1). Lou Scannon has Bess Ottede on his arm. Martin de Garnache – the latest Arms investor – accompanies Fifi. Vera Cruz is with Neville Moore. Sue Briquet wears flat shoes and is still taller than her escort, Tiny Thierry Toothpick. Zavier Ulric Turenne and Laura de Lande are last on the list.
Several other people are in the Fleur at the same time. Greg de Bécqueur brings Bette Noire. Jean Jeanie is there with Jacky Tinne. And Pierre Cardigan and Justine Caisse occupy their usual table.
Bothwell’s is home to Rick Shaw and Therèse Le Vert on one side and Xavier Money and Kathy Pacific on the other.
Things get a bit rowdy in Hunter’s. Thomas de la Lune hosts a reception for his regiment, the 4th Arquebusiers, and friends, accompanied by Katy Did. His new colleague, Jean d’Aubergine joins them. And so does Vinne d’Pooh. However, Maurice Pauvre of the Picardy Musketeers is also a member of the club and chooses to visit as well. This causes a robust exchange
of challenges between him and the two members of the 4A.
Frank X Change takes Agnes Sorel to Blue Gables. Stephane Etrange and Thomasina Tancenjin are in the Frog & Peach. And Red Phillips is graced with Ray de Sofdelosdarc and Lois de Lô.
Week 2 is quiet by comparison. Frank X Change and Agnes are in Blue Gables again. Thomas de la Lune and Katy return to Hunter’s. Xavier Money and Kathy go back to Bothwell’s where some other members visit. Having spent last week with his mistress, Gaz Moutarde goes alone. Lou Scannon, on the other hand, brings Bess with him.
Ben e’Volence and Lotte have a get-together for Ben’s regimental colleagues, Beau Nidle and Stephane Etrange, in the Fleur. Pierre Cardigan and Justine welcome Zavier Ulric Turenne and Laura as their guests. Claude de Nord is there with Madelaine, Camille de Polignac brings Angelina di Griz this week. And Greg de Bécqueur is back with Bette.
A wedding?
Louis Renault has invited cavalrymen to join him “and Miss Did” at Bothwell’s after the third week’s memorial service for the fallen men of Grand Duke Max’s Dragoons. As they arrive, the guests discover that Maggie Nifisent is their hostess – that was some fast work by Louis the week before. Claude de Nord leads the visitors, accompanied by Madelaine, and lays a wreath at the church. Ray de Sofdelosdarc brings Lois and insists on congratulating “bride and groom”. Hmm, someone’s got wrong end of that stick, methinks. Rick Shaw escorts Therèse. Tiny Thierry Toothpick reaches up to hold Sue’s arm. Kathy is with Xavier Money.
Other members in Bothwell’s are Gaz Moutarde, still without company, and Martin de Garnache and Fifi. Katy Did can be found in Hunter’s with her new beau, a man who values her, Thomas de la Lune. Frank X Change and Agnes are in Blue Gables again. The Frog & Peach is where to fins Stephane Etrange and Thomasina. And Red Phillips has two visitors: Jean d’Aubergine, checking out his new club’s facilities, and Vinne d’Pooh.
Pierre Cardigan and Justine host Zavier Ulric Turenne and Laura in the Fleur again. Which is also the place to find Ben e’Volence and Lotte, Camille de Polignac and Angelina, Greg de Bécqueur and Bette and Jean Jeanie and Jackie. Lou Scannon and Bess are in exalted company as Lou Toadies to the Crown Prince.
It’s Maurice Pauvre’s turn to hold a party in Hunter’s at the end of the month. His guests are just Tiny Thierry Toothpick – accompanied by Sue, of course – and Vinne d’Pooh. Maurice is particularly keen to avoid any more duels. Unfortunately, his regimental enemy, Thomas de la Lune, is also a member and is in attendance this week (with Katy). The two renew their challenges. However, Thomas’s presence also prompts Thierry to call him out for having the temerity to show up when he’s not noble.
The Frog & Peach has Stephane Etrange and Thomasina visiting. Frank X Change and Agnes hit Blue Gables. Louis Renault and Maggie, Lou Scannon and Bess and Xavier Money and Kathy occupy Bothwell’s. Their entertainment is provided by Neville Moore demanding entrance. He’s turned up a week late
for Louis’s memorial do.
And, in the Fleur, it’s Zavier Ulric Turenne’s turn to accept a Toady. He and Laura are joined by the unaccompanied Gaz Moutarde. Ben e’Volence and Lotte are there again. As are Claude de Nord and Madelaine. Plus Camille de Polignac and Angelina. And Greg de Bécqueur and Bette. Not to mention Pierre Cardigan and Justine in their usual spot.
With Beau’s bash attracting quite a crowd, the gyms are all but empty at the start of May. The exception being, of course, Jacques de Gain working out with his rapier – which he keeps up through the month. They fill up quickly the following week and remain busy for the rest of the month.
Practising rapier for three weeks are Les Anonyme, Beau Reese Jean Seine himself and Felipe Savant alongside his CO. It’s two weeks with their rapiers for Hector William Boone, Jean Jeanie, Martin de Garnache, Neville Moore and Ray de Sofdelosdarc. Rick Shaw is the only man to prefer a sabre.
There are mixed fortunes for Ramond Repose de la Tombe this month. He succeeds in his courting to begin with. Hoping that his new conquest can improve his chess skills, he offers to take her to his club. Only then does he recall that he’s not actually a member of any club. He manages a week with his rapier, but then, having acquired a mistress earlier, he’s at a loose end.
Various characters make journeys to the red-light district and partake in female company at a bawdyhouse. Except Pierre Luckless, who’s just there for a drink.
Seeing off the opposition
Bolstered by reinforcements, the French troops in the Low Countries aim to hang on in the face of their allied enemies until the army arrives in force next month. Thus, the 53rd Fusiliers reinforce a Frontier regiment in the fortifications around Maastricht. The extra guns see off an Imperial attack, earning (brevet) Lieutenant-Colonel Armand Alsace promotion to his full rank. He picks up almost 500 crowns worth of booty into the bargain.
Under Henri DuShite, the Royal Marines repeat their manoeuvre of last month, sneaking into enemy territory in small boats to loot disrupt their supplies. Brigadier-General DuShite collects 500 crowns worth of ‘disruption’, while there’s 600 crowns worth for Major Jean-Claude Etienne. There are two Mentions in Despatches for DuShite as well (“He’s done it again!”).
The Dragoon Brigade seems to have got its act together this month, routing attacking Spanish Fusiliers. The battered Grand Duke Max Dragoons are fierce in their victory. CO Louis Severin Descartes is Mentioned in Despatches (“He’s fierce”), collects some 400 crowns worth of loot and is Knighted for turning things around. Lt-Colonel Alvin Charles is Mentioned in more
detail (“He’s very fierce”) and plunders just over 200 crowns worth for himself. (Brevet) Captain Elroi le Flingue gains his full rank to accompany a couple of hundred crowns worth of booty. But the regiment’s success has casualties. Captain Marche D’Eon is thrown when his horse balks. Unfortunately, he lands on the enemy’s bayonets. RIP.
Princess Louisa Light Dragoons’ commander Balzac Slapdash earns a brief Mention in Despatches (“Yep”) as he garners loot worth close to a thousand crowns. And Brigadier Jacques Hatt dips into the takings to the tune of 150 crowns worth.
The Dragoon Guards are boosted by the arrival of the rest of the Brigade. Phillip F’Loppe, their commander, leads his men to engage the Dutch cavalry again, forcing them to withdraw. For this he gets a Mention in Despatches (“Looking better”). Major Michael Chevalier-Cavalier concentrates on picking up equipment dropped by the Dutchmen – 300 crowns worth in the end.
Colonel Justin Thyme orders the Queen’s Own Carabiniers in pursuit of the Dutch cavalry and scatters them. His looting earns him nearly a thousand crowns and the title of Viscount. Captain Come Asiouar earns two Mentions in Despatches (“What? He can’t be promoted?!”).
Horse Guards Brigadier Terence Cuckpowder regards his men fondly as he is brevetted to Lieutenant-General as a result of this success.
Things are not so rosy amongst the Frontier regiments which continue to get a pounding from the Allies’ siege guns. RFG Captain Pierre a’Noyer is serving with Frontier regiment 1. He ducks as a cannonball sails over him, popping up again to sneer at the enemy. Unfortunately, the cannonball ricochets off a rock and smacks him in the back of the head. RIP.
Both ALC Colonel Alexandre Capone and 13F Major Antoine d’Eques are with Frontier regiment 3. They lead a sally against the Dutch siege positions and suffer the fate of officers who lead from the front. RIP. Still, it’s an ill wind… Zeold von Tu’s battalion of the Cardinal’s Guard take up the attack with more success and Tu is promoted to Lt-Colonel. He collects over 300 crowns worth of loot.
Lt-General Bernard de Lur-Saluces enjoys his time with the RNHB and picks up the best part of five hundred crowns worth of booty.