Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for August 1676

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

** Join the QOC **
Gentleman of Paris, if you are new to the city or are looking for a new Regiment, then you can do no better than join the Queen's Own Carabiniers.
Please contact me for more details, and some financial help is available.
† Count Thyme

The Royal Foot Guards are still looking for officers and men. Financial assistance available for suitable candidates who lack the necessary cash.
† Beau Reese Jean Seine

Despatches from the Front

A Dragoon writes:
Still out on Frontier, but now with a Squadron to look after, not just a troop! Talk about being thrown into the deep end. Oh well, on we go against the foe – whether they speak French, Spanish, Dutch, German or English, they are still the enemy.

Messieurs,
The glory of life at the front!
Valiance, camaraderie and the chance to give those Dutchies a damn good licking.
Although on second thoughts, that's revolting: I wouldn't lick a Dutchman if he was glazed in Stroopwafel.
Yours etc, † SdS

Mmm, stroopwafel... † Le Roi

Social

Gentlemen of Paris,
During week 2, Miss Nifisent and I will hold a banquet at my club in honour of all our brave sons of France who have so valiantly fought against our enemies and pray for the souls of our brothers who will not return. We extend a warm welcome to all gentlemen and their ladies. All food and drink will be at my expense.
† Marquis Louis Renault

Welcome home troops party at the Fleur in week 2 of September. All returning troops, their ladies and those welcoming them home are invited without regard to social standing.
† Beau Reese Jean Seine

DRAGOON VICTORY PARADE
I invite all officers and troops of the Dragoon Brigade and all officers of SL 14+ to our Dragoon Victory Parade in week 4 of September. Regimental enemies of the GDMD and PLLD shall wait outside my club. Drinks are on me – or rather on the Dutch, who supplied such a generous supply of trinkets and goodies. Ladies welcome.
† Baron Louis Severin Descartes
Dragoon Brigadier

To celebrate my office, all are invited to my club in week 2 of September. Ladies welcome; all costs paid.
† JJ

Personal

To: General de Gain, Army Commander
Your Excellency,
For reasons I cannot fathom, the Holy Roman Imperial Command has sent a number of their top-secret carrier-pigeons about their upcoming operation regarding Maastricht to a random scribe in a village we captured last month. Here is the transcript as we could translate it:
Von Starhemberg: "My excellencies, I think we are making a mistake. 3 per cent of Holy Roman trade runs through Maastricht. 40% of Dutch trade does."
Baden-Baden: "Charles, if you think we should do it, let's go. I just hate bailing the Dutch out again. Let's just make sure our messaging is tight here."
Charles V: "Hofkriegsrat – I fully share your loathing of Dutch free-loading. It's pathetic. But Ernst Rüdiger is correct, we are the only ones on the planet who can do this. I feel like now is as good a time as any, given His Imperial Majesty's directive to reopen trade lanes."
Baden-Baden: "As I heard it, His Imperial Majesty was clear: green light, but we soon make clear to Brandenburg and the Netherlands what we expect in return."
Von Starhemberg: "Weather is favourable. Just confirmed with Army Command we launch the Heavy Brandenburgers over the Southern approach down the Imperial Road, while two regiments of Dragoons ride via Gronsveld and the Heavy Imperial Guard attacks in the enemy's flank in Meersen (...)"
Charles V: "I will say a prayer for victory."
Given the complete enemy attack plan, which I have added to this dispatch, the Dragoon Brigade will strike swiftly and decisively.
May God protect us!
† Louis Severin Descartes
Dragoon Brigadier

To Sir Tiny Thierry Toothpick,
Congratulations on your elevation to the nobility and indeed to high office.
Many thanks for your invitation in the first week of September. Like many others I have other plans for that first week back from the front so I must decline your offer for that week.
Perhaps some other time,
† Marquis Frank X. Change

The regimental clerk's office, GDMD (again)
    "Ah, M.Danseur, how can we help?"
    "I've just been told I am now a Major! But I have an application in to be an Aide to a Lt. General! How can I do that if I am a Major?"
    "You cannot, I fear. You could of course apply to be an aide to a General – Oh no, you are not of sufficient social class."
    "I am well aware of my lowly social class! If I were higher, I could be a Chevalier by now! So what do I do now?"
    "You could always apply to be a Brigade Major. Not exactly an Aide's post, but it's something. And we can put in the paperwork for you..."

Dear TTT,
I would love to meet you face to face. But which of your two faces would you be using? † CDN
Earl Slapdash,
Thin ice, my friend, very thin ice.
But we'll take it all in good humour.
† Baron Louis Severin Descartes
Dragoon Brigadier

To the Gentlemen of Paris,
Gentlemen, whilst I have greatly appreciated the companionship of my fellow soldiers whilst on campaign, I am looking forward to some time with the fair sex when we return to Paris. To that end, I am giving notice that I intend to court the fair lady Belle Epoque in the first week of September. I would hate to meet any of you on her doorstep, it would be a waste of time and money for all concerned. I thank you for your attention.
† Maurice Danseur,
Bvt. Major, GDMD
(Of course, if I'm dead the above letter becomes irrelevant.)

"So Sammy Phipps was right along – there is a Spy in the Camp" mused Arent Hayes, as he stared sadly at the graves of his ex-colleagues Lt Colonel Pinot-Noir and Major Boule. Sammy had always told Arent that his gift was to always look more stupid than he actually was, and people always underestimated his cleverness. Well, time to follow the evidence – now, who benefited from the death of his comrades?

New to Paris. Justin Saad. Having paid respects to the remains of Grenville, son of a dear merchant friend.

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

1 Joined up the Regiment,
Next I know I was sent
Urgently to the Front.
They needed extra men
To help our defence.
At the stroke of a pen
Now we bear the brunt.
How will this all end?
Chorus: At the front –
You can't really like it!
At the front –
Just try to survive it!
2 Carry lots of ammunition
To achieve my ambition
Of shooting down the enemy
Before they can get me.
Learn to dive and duck,
Not running out of luck...
[Chorus]
3 Just try to survive it!
Fortunate to survive,
Just glad to be alive,
Outcomes are so unfair -
You don't get your share.
Wondering how did
The Captain get a MiD
When you know he was hid
Under the latrine lid.
[Chorus]
† FXC

Beautiful Belle, Oh Beautiful Belle
In fair Paris town, wherein you do dwell
So far from the front, oh how can you tell?
How well I could love you, my beautiful Belle.
† Maurice Danseur

With the new CPS it remains to be seen
Whether his spies will be tangerine.
A ferret typically has a white coat -
It may be he prefers a weasel or stoat.

Scars of the Soul
1 He marched away with youthful pride,
A spark of hope, a gleam inside.
His heart was light, his spirit bold,
A soldier's tale yet to be told.
2 Through fields of fire, through skies that bled,
He faced the storm, where angels fled.
The clash of steel, the cry of pain,
A world consumed by war's domain.
3 The man returned, but not the same,
His eyes now bore a distant flame.
The laughter once that filled his core,
Lay buried deep, behind the war.
† CPL