Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for December 1676

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, The Play What I Wrote, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

To all members of the GDMG,
Just to give you some advance warning, I will be taking the regiment to the Front in FEBRUARY.
This gives you all of January to get your affairs in order.
Anyone wishing to remain in Paris should let me know before then.
† (bvt) Bdr-Gen. Sir Le Chimiste

I say, does anybody recognise this regiment?
† Le Roi

Social

To all the Gentlemen of Paris.
In Week 2 of January, Camille de Polignac will host a party at the Fleur. Everyone and their mistresses are welcome. Carousing expenses paid. We will have some of those shrimp canapés that everybody likes. Life has been good to me so far, and 1678 will, I hope, be the best year ever. Please feel free to come share in my good fortune.

Apologies to all those who were disappointed by my regrettable absence last month: a replacement party (SL 13+) will take place in the second week of January. Fortunately I succeeded in liberating some quite tolerable Dutch jenever, so carousing costs will be paid for those who were inconvenienced.
† ZvT

Overheard at Greg de Bécqueur's early Christmas party:
"I say, he's not having Christmas early because he's secretly a member of some odd sect that sets its religious festivals by a weird 'non-French' calendar, is he?"
"No, he just likes pre-loading."

Any surviving officers and troopers of the Picardy Musketeers are requested to join me at my club in week 1 to bring in the New Year.
† SBC

All Gentlemen are invited during week 2 to bring their favourite rapier and join Marquis Louis Renault and his fencing master to discuss Gerard Thibault's "On the timing of attacks and counters" from his treatise, The Academy of the Sword. This will be followed by an opportunity for some light sparring. Afterwards, we will retire to Fleur de Lys, where Miss Nifisent will arrange for some well-earned refreshments for our swordsmen and their ladies, at the Marquis's expense.

The lovely Vera Cruz and I are inviting all gentlemen of Paris and their partners to join us at our club and ring in the New Year in the first week of January. All expenses paid.
Also make a note in your social calendars that I will once again host a chess tournament with prizes for the top three players in the third week of February!
† Neville Moore

Personal

In my social engagements I hear whispers of people seeking government appointments, but then receive no letters of application. Is my mail being intercepted? Is this further sedition organised by the former CPS?
Unfortunately the mental asylums of Paris are fully of people in tangerine uniforms, but whilst tomfoolery can be indulged, treason against the King and state cannot be allowed. His Majesty's government will remain vigilant.
† Rick Shaw, MoS

Dear Gentlemen of Paris,
Such a sad day for our country and King, when Frenchman turns against Frenchman.
I have no choice but to act after the slanderous and treacherous behaviour of TTT.
† CdN

Worried about indulging a bit too much over the festive season?
Scared of suffering from an upset stomach after too much rich food?
Afraid of getting a hangover that just won't go away?
Don't be concerned, Botte Le Chimiste has just the thing for you. His patented "Elixir of Recovery" will restore you to full vim and vigour within minutes of taking it.
Buy it now before stocks run out!
Only 5Cr for a pack of 20 pills.
(Not recommended for ladies or the small of stature.)

The Play What I Wrote

Scoop: Further developments on upcoming Play of the season "Diable et L'Eau Sombre" by Director Arent Hayes from our theatrical reporter Monsieur Sy Cophant.
SY "My sources tell me that things have not gone to plan in the last weeks leading up to Christmas - can you tell our readers what happened?"
AH "How can you know about that Sy? I swore the cast and backstage staff to secrecy!!"
SY "I cannot reveal my sources - freedom of press, etc, but is this play cursed?"
AH "Nonsense - classic case of Noises Off. The accident with Mademoiselle Le Grange (Sara Wassall) was a faulty safety rope - she only fell 10 feet into the water. Madame Fifi Whiplash (Creesjie Jens) is recovering nicely after that scene with the pig went a bit squiffy and Sammy Phipps has always been wheelchair bound. Ex-CPS Baron Toothpick is too busy playing horses. Finally, this is a serious play about redemption, justice and consequences, not a pantomime about ghosts, lepers and vengeful villains getting what they deserve. "
SY "All publicity helps - I understand Ticket sales are going well."
AH "Yes, I just hope we have a cast left standing for opening Night."

What about closing Night?
† Le Roi

'The multicoloured coat'
With his house burnt down by bandits in orange uniforms, a poor ex-soldier is forced to roam the countryside seeking shelter.
To keep warm he makes a coat by sewing together scraps of cloth which he begs, steals and borrows on his travels.
The love and care which he instils into his craft attracts the attention of angels who secretly bless it.
Returning to his village, he encounters the bandits who laugh at him. Their leader, foaming at the mouth, demands he gives them the coat. All he has is the coat and his dignity. So he draws his rusty sword and, despite the odds, is determined to fight. His attackers are dismayed to find the coat acts like armour, protecting him from their weapons.
They turn to flee and run into a troop of His Majesty's cavalry returning from the front.
† Rick Shaw

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

1 Welcome to Christmas, the Yuletide draws near,
'Tis a time for to drink and to be of good cheer,
To eat festive foods and be merry with friends:
Let's all celebrate as the aged Year ends.
2 The Old Year is past - so let's on with the New!
Let us drink to the Honours now coming in view:
When we ride to the front with our hearts full of joy,
When we draw forth our swords and all cry "Vive le Roi!"
† Major Maurice Danseur

"Glory Doesn't Pay the Tailor"
1 They tell us that glory's a currency too,
That honour's worth more than a crown or a sou -
Well, honour won't patch up a coat gone to rags,
Nor argue with landlords who're counting their bags.
    Chorus
    Oh we bleed for the King and we bleed for the flag,
    While the Colonel's new coach makes the paymaster brag.
    We're rich, so they say, in the coin of good fame -
    Try spending your fame, friend, it's not quite the same.
2 The siege drags on slow and the mud's turned to stone,
The Colonel dines well on a fortune his own.
Us Captains make do with the scraps left behind -
A "comfortable sum", if you're feeling so kind.
3 I'm told that the ladies of Paris adore
A man who's seen glory and come back for more.
I'd trade every ounce of my hard-won renown
For a purse with real weight when I next see the town.
Written still at the Front, richer in reputation than in coin, and no less muddy than last time.
† Bt. Captain Pierre Newkirk, Picardy Musketeers, at the Front

"Save Me a Sword in Paris"
1 Let others cross bayonets, let others take walls,
I'd rather cross rapiers in well-lit halls.
There's men back in Paris I'd gladly run through
For sport, and for honour, and old debts still due.
    Chorus
    So save me a sword, and save me a name,
    A foe with a grudge and a taste for the game.
    I'll trade you a siege for a much smaller fight -
    One man, and one blade, by a good salon light.
2 I've stood in the mud while the cannon-fire roared
And dreamt, I confess, of a much sharper sword -
Not aimed at some Empire I've no quarrel with,
But at certain gentlemen back in my Sixth.
3 So keep my name warm on the lists, if you please,
I'll settle those scores the day siege duty frees
This Captain from mud, from the cold and the rain -
Then Paris will learn why they feared me again.
Still at the Front, still counting debts owed on the field of honour.
† Bt. Captain Pierre Newkirk, Picardy Musketeers, at the Front