Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.
If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)
Orders for January 1678 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, Uxbridge UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by 16th October 2026.
Game Report for December 1677
Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.
The new season arrives in Paris much like the one departing: cold, grey and full of people hiding sharp steel beneath long cloaks as they scurry about just after dawn. It is no surprise to anyone that "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick is not one of these. Maurice Danseur loyally turns up to second his small friend, just in case. Claude de Nord not so much. Thierry's opponent, Justin Thyme, comes along, though, with his second, Rick Shaw.
This is convenient as the second duel on Justin's schedule is with Maurice. No second for the beefy Maurice, but he doesn't look threatened by the slight Justin. Their sabres cross and then slash. Justin opts for a furious slash and thus strikes first. Maurice shrugs off the wound and strikes back. Justin surrenders.
Pausing only to apply a bandage, Maurice moves on to his second meeting. This is with another small fellow, Con Stantinople. Thibault Chanson de Skye is there to second Con, who's disadvantaged by his lower expertise as well as size. This is another sabre duel and looks very much like the first one. Con's furious slash strikes first; Maurice shrugs it off and strikes back with his own slash. Con surrenders, but is then fortified by the "full Scottish breakfast" he provides for himself and Thibault as usual.
Next up for Maurice is Ian Dediette, another sabre wielder of slight build and inferior skill. Beau Taux and Greg de Bécqueur are Ian's seconds. His two wounds haven't slowed Maurice down at all. This time, however, the slashes are exchanged at the same time. It doesn't alter the result: Ian concedes. His duels concluded, Maurice offers "my usual hamper of food and drink to all those who braved the cold of a December morning to defend their honour. However, in recognition of the season, it will contain warm mince pies and mulled, spiced wine rather than the usual chicken and Chablis." Yum.
Meanwhile Frank X Change and Hugo Serre find they are top of each other's list of duels. Come Asiouar and Greg are Frank's seconds with Hugh Jeneaux (but not Ben e'Volence) supporting Hugo. This time it's rapier versus rapier with Frank having the dual advantages of size and skill. A (furious) lunge from Hugo is the first blow. Frank ignores it to land a lunge of his own and that's enough for Hugo.
Frank must wait for his next duel, but is on hand - along with Come - to second Beames de Venise. Beaumes is Hugo's next opponent, despite his injury. Beaumes is the biggest man on the field this month and is more practised with a rapier than Hugo. Their lunges are simultaneous, but nobody's shocked when Hugo throws in the towel.
Next for Beaumes is Charles PiedLuminaire. Charles mixes things up by bringing his sabre to take on Beaumes's rapier and by having the greater skill. His seconds are Dee Jean Aise and Marc-Antoine Descartes. Beaumes opens with a lunge again, but Charles demonstrates his expertise by parrying it. He strikes back with a slash only to be hit by a fierce cut from the rapier. That's enough for him and he surrenders.
Claude de Nord follows, putting Frank in the interesting position of being asked to second both principals. He sticks with Beaumes, but Hugo Serre is there to support Claude. Beaumes's first lunge is enough to win this fight.
And then Frank gets to take on Claude. Coming on top of still-healing wounds from last month, the blow he's received from Beaumes would allow Claude to decline this meeting without prejudice. Instead, he squares up to Frank, only to surrender without a blow being struck. This does not do his social standing any good.
No Minister
The resumption of routine business in Parisian society sees several - notably Thierry Toothpick - petitioning the Minister of State for preferment. Rick Shaw refuses them all. Hugh Jeneaux is determined to be a Minister, though, and immediately re-submits his application. The Adjutant-General and Inspectors-General leave Division and Brigade commands empty. In fact, Inspector-General of Cavalry Louis Renault goes further, pressurising the Heavy Brigadier to quit. With Greg de Bécqueur and Rick Shaw throwing their influence behind Louis, it is no wonder the man resigns.
Further down the military hierarchy, Arent Hayes calls in a favour to force out the senior Major in the Crown Prince Cuirassiers. This creates a vacancy that no-one takes up immediately.
Chemin de Fer gives up his perfectly good rank of Lieutenant-Colonel in the Royal Marines to apply to the King's Musketeers. His application is accepted by the regiment's commander, Claude de Nord, and he buys a Captaincy.
Achille d'Orbigny elevates himself by buying a Captaincy in his regiment, the CPCs. However, the habit of supervising the troopers can't be shaken off and he insists on doing a week's duties despite his new rank.
Then Paris is shocked. Shocked to find that "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick is volunteering the Dragoon Guards for another season on active service. The man's supposed to be hosting a horse race later this month!
Joining the cavalry on the road to the front are First Battalion of the Cardinal's Guard, led by Come Asiouar, and First Battalion of the Picardy Musketeers, headed by Lance a Little. PM Captain Pierre Newkirk is expecting this. CG Subaltern Beaumes de Venise is not. Bang go his plans for Christmas. And the New Year.
Hugh Jeneaux is CO of Archduke Leopold's Cuirassiers, but chooses to leave them in Paris and join a Frontier regiment on his own. While a fresh-faced arrival, Gilbert Grumiaux, is in Paris only long enough to sign up for the Highlanders - death or glory seems to be the plan.
December parties
Louis Renault and Maggie Nifisent find several of their fellow socialites joining them for Mass on the Feast Day of St Nicholas of Myra. And even more joining them in the Fleur de Lys afterwards. Those feeling spiritual are Chemin de Fer, Claude de Nord, Dwight B'Tard, Henri de Boudeille, Hugo Furst and Maurice Danseur (though he's not feeling charitable towards the burly fellows who forced him to settle his debts earlier - plus double interest). Of course, such a large gathering means several sets of regimental enemies are in attendance. These and other slights lead to challenges being made.
Big man Maurice Danseur is the object of many challenges. Both Beau Taux and Steve De Sade are incensed that a commoner such as he should be preferred in society and challenge him as riff-raff. Beau goes further and slaps Chemin de Fer around the chops as well. And then has an exchange with Vaux de Fon of the CPC (he's in the 53rd himself). None of this elevates him in society's regard - especially as his recent cowardice finally comes home to roost. At least he's cleared his debts, though. Vaux enlists the support of François de Blanchefort, who's Toadying to Thibault Chanson de Skye elsewhere in the Fleur.
As a Dragoon Guard, Maurice receives the familiar insults from the Queen's Own in attendance: Con Stantinople and Justin Thyme. He gives as good as he gets. Newly minted King's Musketeer Chemin must also swap challenges. In his case with Frank X Change, commander of the Cardinal's Guard. Chemin gets support from his regimental colleagues, Claude de Nord and Hugo Serre.
Who was where: the Fleur de Lys |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Fleur de Lys | TC + Frances | TCdS + Katy | TCdS + Katy | TCdS + Katy |
| TCdS + Katy | . HS + Kathy | . FdB + Freda | . FdB + Freda | |
| . FdB + Freda | FXC + Edna | . HS + Kathy | . HS + Kathy | |
| FXC + Edna | GdB + Bette | . CS + Anne | . CS + Anne | |
| RS + Justine | . FdB + Freda | . CPL + Agnes | . CPL + Agnes | |
| CdP + Therèse | . HF + Ella | FXC + Edna | JiT + Guinevere | |
| JH + Cath | . JiT + Guinevere | CdP + Therèse | FXC + Edna | |
| LR + Maggie | . ZvT + Morgane | LR + Maggie | ||
| . NM + Vera | . CS + Anne | |||
| . HF + Ella | CdN + Jacky | |||
| . FS + Fifi | CdP + Therèse | |||
| . HS + Kathy | JH + Cath | |||
| . JiT + Guinevere | . MAD + Bess | |||
| . VdF + Belle | . SDS + Laura | |||
| . HWB | ||||
| . BT + Angelina | ||||
| . CBL + Violet | ||||
| . PPuf + Viv | ||||
| . BLC + Eve | ||||
| . DBT | ||||
| . AA | ||||
| . ElF + Lucy | ||||
| . MdG + Chris | ||||
| . CdF + Henrietta | ||||
| . GdB + Bette | ||||
| . CS + Anne | ||||
| . CdN | ||||
| . MD + Madelaine | ||||
| . SDS + Laura | ||||
| . HdB | ||||
| . AdO | ||||
While such interruptions are expected, the party-goers are taken aback when Claude whips out a scroll. Embossed with the familiar seal of the Commissioner of Public Safety, the scroll is presented to Botte Le Chimiste, much to his surprise (he's just repaid his loans, so it can't be about that). He is then escorted from the building by some burly fellows for his sojourn in the Bastille. However, Claude is silent on the precise charges against Botte.
Amusingly, Marc-Antoine's success courting at the start of the month is the reason Dee gets nowhere the following week. Bess is living it up in the Fleur with Marc-Antoine as guests of Jacques Hatt - as are Steve De Sade and Laura de Land (is she entranced by the Eau de Parfum Steve bought from Botte?). Charles Etfeevor is another successful suitor, but nobody notices as his recent disgrace renders him all but invisible to society.
After this excitement, things are calmer the following week. Though this doesn't stop two of his challengers repeating the exchange of insults with Frank. Greg de Bécqueur entertains a few in the Fleur and the normally low-key Jacques Hatt has two guests by personal invitation. Visiting his new club, the Frog & Peach, Pierre Aux-Manique tests their gaming tables. Despite losing his first 100-crown bet, he continues and wins the next two, retiring while he's ahead.
Charles PiedLuminaire takes Agnes Sorel to his acclaimed play, "Carry on Canoodling", and enjoys the audience's applause before celebrating at Hunter's. Even His Majesty has taken notice and Charles will be at the Louvre next month for a command performance. And his bank balance has certainly noticed this success. Louis Renault's investment in the play is also rewarded.
The last week before Christmas seems to be an opportune time to practice with the weapon of their choice for many Parisians. However, Thibault sees more people joining him in the Fleur (Hugo and Frank exchange challenges for the third time). And Hector William Boone hosts young Marcel Hatch Dupree in Bothwell's. Pierre has another flutter while in the Frog & Peach. This time he wins his first two wagers at 100 crowns a time and calls it quits. Having profited from his gambling so far, he doesn't feel like risking any more.
It's Christmaaas!
Taking a stroll in the Tuileries, Elroi le Flingue and Lucy peruse the "fornicating effigy" that was erected last month and, strangely, has not yet been blown up, chopped to bits or dumped in the Seine. Despite the orange-liveried guards around the statue, Elroi scoffs at "the political tripe that passes for art nowadays". Sadly, this also seems to be Paris's verdict on his play, "Pandaemonium", which has already closed its doors.
Who was where: the other clubs |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Bothwell's | PPuf + Viv | HWB | HWB | |
| MD + Madelaine | . MHD | . MHD | ||
| PPuf + Viv | PPuf + Viv | |||
| AA + Pet | AA | |||
| MD + Madelaine | MdG + Chris | |||
| Hunter's | CPL + Agnes | |||
| Blue Gables | BT + Angelina | MAD + Bess | ||
| Frog & Peach | CBL + Violet | PAM(G) + May | CE | |
| PAM(G) + May | PAM(G) + May | |||
| Prix d'Or | CdF | |||
| Outside Prix d'Or | HF -Toady to TTT | BS -Toady to TTT | ||
| HF -Toady to TTT | ||||
| VdF -Toady to TTT | ||||
| DBT -Toady to TTT | ||||
| ElF -Toady to TTT | ||||
| GdB -Toady to TTT | ||||
| CdN -Toady to TTT | ||||
| CdP -Toady to TTT | ||||
| SDS -Toady to TTT | ||||
| HdB -Toady to TTT | ||||
| DJA -Toady to TTT | ||||
At the same time, Hugo Furst turns up at the Prix d'Or on horseback in full riding gear. "The race is next week," say the staff. "No," responds Hugo, "there are two - one this week, one next." Only the complete lack of any other competitors or spectators finally convinces him.
Returning to the current crop of plays, Arent Hayes seems to be hiding in the gym as "Le Diable et l'eau Sombre" continues to attract few people. Because of this, it will finish at the end of the month, long before Arent sees any return on his investment. Felipe Savant might also be hiding, but this is because of the success of his play, "M Forgeron va a Paris". He is the second playwright to be honoured with a call to the Louvre for a command performance. Now, if only he'd put some money into it...
When he turns up at the Prix d'Or again the following week, Hugo is reassured that there are plenty of people about. That is plenty of would-be competitors and spectators. But no host. "Race is off," say the tangerine-tunicked types trying to appease the angry assembly. They offer wine, cheese and the promised miniatures of the "fornicating effigy" and the news that "BECAUSE of Cuckpowder & Shaw and that buffoon de Nord, Marquis (should be Count) Toothpick is unable to attend due to their intended skullduggery!" And that the race will be re-scheduled for "a future date, yet to be confirmed".
Who was where: round and about |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| In jail | BLC | |||
| Bawdy houses | MHD + FC | CE + FC | DJA + FC: Mug 0 | CdF |
| AH + FC | HWB + FC | AdO + FC: Mug 0 | ||
| DBT + FC | ||||
| ID + FC | ||||
| HdB(G 60) + FC | ||||
| Practising | ZvT - Rapier | NM - Rapier | NM - Rapier | NM - Rapier |
| JdG - Rapier | TC - Sabre | CE - Rapier | TC - Sabre | |
| PAM - Rapier | FS - Rapier | TC - Sabre | FS - Rapier | |
| BeV - Sabre | VdF - Sabre | FS - Rapier | BT - Rapier | |
| DJA - Sabre | MHD - Cutlass | JiT - Sabre | AH - Sabre | |
| AH - Sabre | VdF - Sabre | CBL - Sabre | ||
| JdG - Rapier | ZvT - Rapier | BLC - Sabre | ||
| ElF - Sabre | BT - Rapier | JdG - Rapier | ||
| MdG - Rapier | AH - Sabre | BeV - Sabre | ||
| CdF - Rapier | CBL - Sabre | ID - Sabre | ||
| BeV - Sabre | MAD - Sabre | MD - Sabre | ||
| LR - Rapier | BLC - Sabre | JH - Sabre | ||
| JdG - Rapier | AdO - Sabre | |||
| DBT - Rapier | ||||
| MdG - Rapier | ||||
| CdF - Rapier | ||||
| BeV - Sabre | ||||
| GdB - Sabre | ||||
| ID - Sabre | ||||
| CdN - Sabre | ||||
| JH - Sabre | ||||
| SDS - Sabre | ||||
| HdB - Sabre | ||||
| LR - Rapier | ||||
| Regimental Duties | AdO | |||
| Busy doing nothing | CPL -Toady to ???? | |||
| Scribbling furiously | RS | RS | RS | |
| Strolling in the Tuileries | ElF + Lucy | |||
| Shows everybody else: FC = Female Companionship; Mug n = Mugged & amount lost; (G) = Gambled; Weapon = Weapon practised with. For those doing nothing: -club = not a member of a club; -Cash = insufficient funds; -SL = insufficient Social Level; ???? = unknown host. | ||||
Balzac Slapdash is particularly piqued. It's the final failure after several weeks spent trying to a court a woman who's out with her current beau all the time. Greg de Bécqueur wasn't happy with his host to begin with and this affront leads him to be careless handling his mount. "Sorry, didn't see you down there," he sneers at the Tangerines he accidentally tramples. Elroi le Flingue arrives riding an ass and asserts "It seemed like the most appropriate mount, given the race's host." Meanwhile, Chemin de Fer is left in the Prix d'Or's bar wondering what happened to this week's race and fingering the scroll tucked behind his jacket.
Maurice Danseur is determinedly not at the races: he's busy practising. "I certainly am not going to a horse race the title of which insults a noble gentleman," he asserts. "If Toothpick has a grudge against Cuckpowder he merely has to issue a challenge in the usual manner."
Sebastian Blanc-Chevaux is not to be seen in society this month. He is, apparently, being brave. This may involve posturing in front of mirrors... While Minister of State Rick Shaw is very busy at his desk for much of the month. No, not affairs of state, he's writing another play. The huge success of "D'Artagnan" has prompted him to put quill to parchment again before "D'Artagnan" is performed for the King and court next month. And Henri de Boudeille places his six 10-crown wagers at the Bawdyhouses again, winning three, losing three and ending where he started.
Who was where: courting, visiting and going out |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Agnes | Out | Out | Out | |
| Angelina | Out | Out | ||
| ID fails | ||||
| Anne | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Belle | Out | |||
| Bess | MAD succeeds | Out | Out | |
| DJA fails | ||||
| Bette | Out | Out | ||
| Cath | Out | Out | ||
| Chris | Out | Out | ||
| Di | CE succeeds | |||
| Edna | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Ella | Out | Out | ||
| Eve | Out | |||
| Fifi | Out | |||
| Frances | Out | |||
| Freda | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Guinevere | Out | Out | Out | |
| Henrietta | Out | |||
| Jacky | Out | |||
| Justine | Out | |||
| Kathy | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Katy | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Laura | Out | Out | ||
| Lucy | Out | Out | ||
| Madelaine | Out | Out | Out | |
| Maggie | Out | Out | ||
| May | Out | Out | Out | |
| Morgane | Out | ZvT at home | ||
| Pet | AA at home | Out | ||
| Therèse | Out | Out | Out | |
| BS fails | BS fails | BS fails | ||
| Vera | Out | |||
| Violet | Out | Out | ||
| Viv | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Shows who was with a mistress or on a doorstep: Out = Mistress with current lover; I = Indiscreet (+ mistress name); ex-id = Pinched from former lover; st.down = stood down to rivals. | ||||
Near miss
French forces are on the defensive this season, keeping a careful eye on the Dutch, Imperial and Spanish troops that might try to re-take the territory recently acquired from them. And guard against possible English intervention. Detachments of Thierry Toothpick's Dragoon Guards are essentially on patrol the whole time. He is Mentioned in Despatches ("where's the race?") and picks up a little loot from obviously Spanish peasants.
Hugh Jeneaux is assigned to Frontier regiment 2 where life is rather more dangerous than he's used to with Archduke Leo's men. He survives and is even Mentioned in Despatches ("On his own?!").
Frontier regiment 3 is bolstered by both First Battalion of the Cardinal's Guard and First Battalion of the Picardy Musketeers. CG Lt-Colonel Come Asiouar gains a MiD and picks up a little loot in a clash with Imperial Fusiliers. CG Subaltern Beaumes de Venise survives comfortably. Lt-Col Lance A Little commands the Picardy detachment and sees no reward. Neither does PM Captain Pierre Newkirk. Only two more months, gentlemen.
Gilbert Grumiaux is accepted into the RNHB as a Private. He survives a close encounter with a Spanish musketball to be Mentioned in Despatches ("He should duck faster").