Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.

If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)

Orders for September 1675 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, UXBRIDGE UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by 16th February 2024.

Game Report for August 1675

Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.

As the French armies continue to battle, fresh recruits arrive in Paris to join regiments of renown. Grenville d'Arkrite, for example, joins Grand Duke Max's Dragoons, courtesy of the regiment's commander, Louis Severin Descartes. Arkrite's recent loan lets him buy the rank of Subaltern before marching towards the action. Descartes hands some cash not to his new recruit, but to Captain Elroi le Flingue. This is to accompany his appointment as Adjutant of the GDMD.

Monsieur Thierry Boule becomes Trooper Thierry Boule of the Crown Prince Cuirassiers thanks to CO Ben e'Volence, who finances this purchase. Boule is quick to saddle his new horse and set off for the Low Countries. While he's at it, e'Volence appoints Beau Nidle as the regiment's Adjutant.

It's Justin Thyme's command, the Queen's Own Carabiniers, for Yve Stanbul. A hefty gift from his new boss allows Stanbul to become a Captain before joining his regiment in action.

Jon Dichateme doesn't bother joining a regiment. He takes his loan and volunteers for a Frontier regiment. Lt-General Bernard de Lur-Saluces goes one better, taking command of a battalion of the Royal North Highland Border regiment.

Others are more interested in removing officers from regiments. However, Tiny Thierry Toothpick's influence is not enough to persuade the Colonel of the 13th Fusiliers to resign - as requested by 13F Lieutenant-Colonel Ari Beaux.

Justin Thyme successfully calls in a favour to remove the junior Major in his regiment, which also leaves the QOC without an Adjutant. With support from Terence Cuckpowder, Thyme pressures the senior Major to quit as well. Then the two get rid of the QOC's Lt-Colonel, leaving the regiment without any senior officers (apart from Thyme) and the Horse Guards Brigade without a Brigade Major.

Maastricht or Trier?

Defending recent French advances, First Army is divided between supporting the besieged garrisons in Maastricht and in Trier. The Army is again commanded in an acting capacity by Jacques Hatt (commander of the Cavalry Division), who is pleased to earn promotion to General. Even if it is a brevet rank for the next year. He is confirmed as commander of the First Army - even if it is just for the march back to Paris. There is a Mention in Despatches for him, ("He looks pleased").

A cavalryman with a pistol Thus Balzac Slapdash, the Dragoon Brigadier, is acting Cavalry Division CO once more. This earns him a Mention in Despatches ("He looks thrilled") and promotion (he's now a full Brigadier-General). He collects over five hundred crowns in loot.

Ben e'Volence leads the Crown Prince Cuirassiers, but continues as acting commander of the Heavy Brigade. There are two Mentions for him ("No promotion here - but he is a Count"), which bring him the title of Count. He adds almost a thousand crowns to his wealth. Preferring to remain Minister of War, he declines the chance to become Brigadier of the Heavies properly.

Within the Heavy Brigade, the Crown Prince Cuirassiers make no impression on the Imperial infantry dug in around Maastricht. Major Stephane Etrange, Captain Beau Nidle and Trooper Thierry Boule survive.

Grand Duke Max leader Louis Severin Descartes is acting Dragoon Brigadier, but gets no reward despite his personal bravery in taking on an enemy horseman.

Lieutenant-Colonel Alvin Charles is thus in charge of the GDMD and gets a Mention in Despatches ("Not a bad job") as the regiment holds its own against the Imperial cavalry. He acquires close to five hundred crowns selling captured horses, which helps him send funds back to Paris to pay off his debts. Captain Botte Le Chimiste is brevetted to Major and quickly buys the horses he needs for his new rank. Captain Elroi le Flingue has a close encounter with a musketball that lodges in his saddle. An inch higher would have been very uncomfortable. As it is, he receives a MiD ("That was close!"). But there's nothing for Captain Pierre Pressure. Unlike Subaltern Grenville d'Arkrite, who survives his baptism of fire to join the Captains (albeit in a brevet role).

The Frontier regiments put in some solid defence work. Private Jon Dichateme is assigned to Frontier regiment 1 and quickly learns to duck faster after a musketball takes off his cap.

Germans go home!

Second Army is facing down the Imperial forces in the Rhineland. Army commander Rick Shaw gains promotion, making his rank of General permanent. This is worth a Mention in Despatches ("He's a General for ever").

Second Division sets up the siege of an Imperial fortress, but it seems to be well-supplied. Lieutenant-Colonel Armand Alsace, commanding the 53rd Fusiliers survives handily in his nice, solid bunker. Lt-Col Ari Beaux, second in command of the 13th, is less lucky, despite having sharpened his entrenching tool. A shell lands in the mud right in front of him. Before he can cut the fuse (newly sharpened tool, remember), it detonates. RIP.

The Fourth Arquebusiers clearly haven't dug their trenches deep enough as a sortie by the besieged Imperial troops drives them out of their positions. Lt-Col Jean d'Aubergine is fast enough to stay ahead of the pursuing enemy. The 27th Musketeers hold their line, allowing Third Foot Brigadier Thomas de la Lune to add 500 crowns' worth of loot to his capital.

As there's no sign of the siege having any effect, First Division assaults the fortress. Unfortunately for the Picardy Musketeers, the part they charge is covered by a battery of guns. A hail of grapeshot stops the Musketeers in their tracks, Colonel Ramond Repose de la Tombe paying the price for leading from the front. RIP.

Now the artillery has fired, the Royal Marines drive the defenders back and storm over the walls. Colonel Henri DuShite is brevetted to Brigadier-General. Again - his previous brevet promotion expired last month. He takes the opportunity to do a little looting. That's almost fifteen hundred crowns' worth of goodies.

Seeing this success, First Foot Brigade Major Vinne d'Pooh scrambles over the ramparts to get in on the action. It just needs one enemy musketeer to still be firing and choose Pooh as his target. RIP.

In the Guards, the King's Musketeers fail to make much headway, so stand back and make the defenders keep their heads down with volleys of musketry. This is enough to get CO Claude Nord and Lt-Colonel Frank X Change Mentioned in the Despatches ("Fine shooting - they almost hit one there").

The covering fire is all the Cardinal's Guard need and they charge into the fortress. There's a MiD ("look at him charge!") for their commander, newly purchased Colonel Zeold von Tu, who is brevetted to Brigadier-General.

A soldier armed with an arquebus and smouldering match Then in come the Royal Foot Guards, scenting another opportunity for plunder. Commander Beau Reese Jean Seine ("Good nose on him") is thoroughly Mentioned and pockets fifteen hundred crowns from the spoils. Lt-Col Camille de Polignac is right behind him and thus out of view of the Despatch writers, but gets the same amount for himself. There's over 1,500 for Major Martin de Garnache, the regimental Adjutant. But his fellow Major, Hector William Boone, doesn't get much above five hundred crowns for his plunder. He does collect a Mention in Despatches, though ("Not a plunder-hound"). And keeps the moneylenders happy by repaying his loans. Captain Neville Moore is in the "over fifteen hundred" bracket and is Mentioned into the bargain. Captain Felipe Savant has the same result. While Captain Tiny Thierry Toothpick pips them all, gathering closer to two thousand crowns of booty as well as going into the Despatches ("I think it's him, I can't quite see behind the big bag of swag"). Some of it goes back to Paris in advance to make sure the moneylenders are kept sweet.

For Guards Brigadier Greg de Bécqueur, this is a fine end to a fruitful campaign: his loot is valued at just under fifteen hundred crowns and his name goes into the Despatches ("Still Brigadier"). Louis Renault, commanding First Division, is pleased that his haul reaches the 1,500 mark. A (brevet) promotion to General comes his way, which is worth a MiD ("Another General").

Not to be outdone, the Royal North Highlanders get in on the action. Lt-General Bernard de Lur-Saluces has volunteered to lead a battalion and is rewarded with over fifteen hundred crowns' worth of loot. And a regimental kilt. That's worth two Mentions in Despatches ("Very fitting" "Very fetching").

The Horse Guards are knocking about, making sure there are no extra troops coming to lift the siege. Brigadier Terence Cuckpowder scoops up some goodies that come to 800 crowns. This is worth a footnote in the Despatches.

Leading the Dragoon Guards is a thankless task for brevet Lt-Col Michael Chevalier-Cavalier. No, nothing for him.

The Queen's Own Carabiniers, on the other hand, tangle with some enemy cavalry. This gives them the chance to seize some loot. Oh, and send them packing, of course. Justin Thyme adds nearly 500 crowns to his wealth and is Mentioned ("Sent them packing all right"). Captain Yve Stanbul collects a couple of hundred crowns worth, but Captain Come Asiouar isn't fast enough to grab anything.

Waiting for September

Not everybody has joined the armies, so there is some action in Paris. Gaz Moutarde, for example, spends an exciting (?) month in the arms of his beloved.

For Pierre Cardigan and Zavier Ulrich Turenne, excitement is in the Fleur de Lys with their ladies: Justine Caisse with Pierre and Laura de Land with Zavier.

Jean Jeanie and Jacky Tinne manage a couple of weeks in the Fleur, before Jean heads to a gym to practise his rapier swishing.

There are visitors to Red Philips as well. The man known only as 'X7' is a new member and looks round for three weeks - a trip to a Bawdyhouse occupies his other week. While he's away, Thibault Pinot-Noir drops in to show his new club to his new lady friend, Angelina di Griz. He takes the opportunity to try his luck on the club's gaming tables. Staking 50 crowns a time, he keeps losing. He wins a couple of bets, but loses the rest and has to stop after placing nine. His courting may have been successful, but he has a duel with Camille de Polignac to come. Thibault is another man swishing his rapier for the second half of August.

This just leaves Jacques de Gain. Guess where he is? Yes, in the gym with his rapier all month.