Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.
If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)
Orders for October 1675 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, UXBRIDGE UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by 22nd March 2024.
Game Report for September 1675
Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.
As the troops flood back into Paris, there is much rejoicing - especially among the bars, restaurants and Bawdyhouses. There's just one duel to enliven the return: Lieutenant-Colonel Camille de Polignac wants to "have a word" with Monsieur Thibault Pinot-Noir over the latter's wooing of Mlle Angelina di Griz while Polignac was serving his King. But Pinot-Noir doesn't show up, which does his social standing no good whatsoever.
Let me in!
With the regiments back in Paris, new recruits flock to their barracks to sign up (after all, it'll be another nine months before they're back in action ... maybe). Lt-Colonel Jean d'Aubergine commands the 4th Arquebusiers, but is not interested in the applicants. Not even Jon Dichateme. This rather spoils the offer of Aide to Brigadier-General that Dichateme has received from two Brigadier-Generals.
Likewise, the disappearing Thibault Pinot-Noir is turned down by Royal Marines CO Henri DuShite when he turns up at HQ. Maybe DuShite's heard about him. Pinot-Noir will have to find something else to do with the "price of a horse" he's been donated by Louis Renault.
Fresh face Percival Puffington does better and is accepted by the Picardy Musketeers. Mind you, he's just a private. Despite all that financing he's received from Bernard de Lur-Saluces and Terence Cuckpowder. Someone has friends in high(ish) places.
Michael Chevalier-Cavalier may only be a brevet Lt-Col, but he's still in charge of the Dragoon Guards and he signs up Jean-Paul LeMon. LeMon has a hankering to be a Major, but both positions are filled (one is Chevalier-Cavalier's reserve rank). He ends up just a Captain.
The Cardinal's Guard does have a vacancy for a Major and CO Zeold von Tu not only recruits Louis Joseph Reignaux to fill it, but lends him the cash to purchase the rank (not to mention a horse or three). This doesn't stop Major Reignaux hitting up the moneylenders for an even bigger loan.
Crown Prince Cuirassiers' commander Ben e'Volence makes room in his regiment for some new faces, calling in favours to ensure the resignations of both the junior Major and the Lt-Colonel - as requested by senior Major Stephane Etrange. Etrange adds his influence to removing the Lt-Col, but then doesn't buy the rank. No-one wants to join the CPCs either.
Captain Come Asiouar would like to be a Major in the Queen's Own Carabiniers. He just doesn't have the social standing for this.
As it's September, the new military structure needs to be filled with capable officers. Or just someone who holds the right rank. However, the first news is that Minister of State Beau Reese Jean Seine has finally appointed a Chancellor of the Exchequer. He turns down Terence Cuckpowder's application to appoint Baron Rick Shaw to this long-vacant job. His Majesty is pleased to bestow a Marquisate on Shaw and give him his first job: counting the large chest of cash that Count Ben e'Volence has just provided to the Exchequer. With almost no prompting and a bit of a loan.
Veteran General Jacques de Gain - he of the phenomenally large sword arm - gets the job of commanding the Field Army for the next year. Gain signs up Louis Severin Descartes as the army's Quartermaster-General. He would like Henri DuShite to be Adjutant, but DuShite doesn't hold the correct rank, so this post remains empty. As does the position of Gain's Aide.
As Minister of War, Ben e'Volence would like to make Rick Shaw Inspector-General of Cavalry, but Shaw is not a Lt-Gen and both Inspectors-General positions remain vacant. Thus leaving the bureaucracy to decide who gets to be a Brigadier.
Among the Lieutenant-Generals, Terence Cuckpowder gets to be City Military Governor, beating out Zavier Ulric Turenne. This extends his brevet rank for a year and puts the leadership of the King's and Cardinal's Escorts in his gift. He just appoints nobodies.
Greg de Bécqueur uses his influence to make absolutely sure he is appointed commander of First Division (extending his brevet) - Louis Renault doesn't get a look-in. He loses out on command of Second Division as this goes to Zavier Ulric Turenne. However, this is the end of the competition and Renault takes over as commander of the Cavalry Division. Now he has a decision to make about his Aide (see Press). Unfortunately, Monsieur Pinot-Noir does not hold the rank of Captain, so Yve Stanbul is the only man for the job.
Zeold von Tu is the one candidate for Guards Brigadier and uses his influence to improve his chances. Then Martin de Garnache throws in some favours he's gathered (via his mistress) to make sure Tu gets the job.
Command of First Foot Brigade goes to Henri DuShite, but Thomas de la Lune is turned down when he tries to return as Brigadier of Third foot.
The commonplace Field Marshal makes Camille de Polignac his Aide - Frank X Change isn't even considered.
Martin de Garnache finds a General to take him on as Aide - though the General in question is without a command for the next campaign. This means Garnache is not available to be Brigade Major of the Guards as new Brigadier Zeold von Tu would like. Maybe he'll change his mind...
Brigade Major of the Heavy Brigade goes to Stephan Etrange. And Botte Le Chimiste is selected at random from all the Majors in the Dragoon Brigade to take on the same role here.
The Crown Prince decides Neville Moore will make a fine Aide.
Tiny Thierry Toothpick gets the job of Aide to the Lt-General commanding the Frontier Division. This means he can't accept the offer of Regimental Adjutant from Royal Foot Guards CO Beau Reese Jean Seine.
Having failed to boost himself to the rank of Major, Come Asiouar is still eligible to be Regimental Adjutant of the Queen's Own Carabiniers, but the regiment's commander, Justin Thyme, doesn't want him. The junior Captain gets the job by default.
Beau Nidle gets to be Adjutant of the Crown Prince Cuirassiers, courtesy of Ben e'Volence.
And Louis Severin Descartes makes Elroi le Flingue Adjutant in the Grand Duke Max Dragoons.
Brigadier-General Balzac Slapdash is under the misapprehension that he still commands Princess Louisa's Light Dragoons. Alas, his connection with the regiment was severed when he was made a full Bdr-Gen. Thus, when he volunteers "his command" to return to action, it's just the man himself who sets off to join the Frontier regiments.
Party, party, party... and relax
There's a clear pattern to social life in Paris this month. Week 1: party! With Beau Reese Jean Seine. Week 2: party! With Louis (Renault or Severin Descartes). Week 3: party! With Ben e'Volence. Week 4: chill. That's after quite a few have got a bit richer from their investments and even more have repaid the moneylenders what's owed them (Thomas de la Lune apologises for his late repayment: "I would have come earlier, but I was at the front, looking for funds" - then he borrows a bit more). It was a successful campaign from that point of view.
Let's start with Beau's bash. As you'd expect when it's being held by the Minister of State, the party is held in the Fleur de Lys. Beau is feeling flush with the payout from his investments and happy to finance most of Paris's drinking habits. Chris Pacquette is with our host to welcome their guests. Those on the list comprise Government Ministers, members of the Royal Foot Guards and anyone who saw active service during the summer campaign. Top of the alphabet is Alvin Charles. Then comes Bernard de Lur-Saluces. Ben e'Volence is next, accompanied by Lotte Bottle and ostentatiously not drinking. ("Have to save the pennies after the Exchequer took me cash," he growls. Which is odd when Beau is paying.) Botte Le Chimiste follows. Then Beau Nidle. Claude de Nord brings Madelaine de Proust with him. Camille de Polignac has no companion (see the start of this report). Agnes Sorel is on the arm of Frank X Change. Greg de Bécqueur escorts Bette Noire. Hector William Boone is unaccompanied. Jacques Hatt has Cath de Thousands on his arm. Guinevere d'Arthur accompanies Justin Thyme.
Then Michael Chevalier-Cavalier arrives. He's commander of the Dragoon Guards and one of the oldest regimental rivalries in Paris is between the DGs and the Queen's Own Carabiniers. Oh look, the QOC commander, Justin Thyme, is already here! Michael and Justin exchange challenges and a few choice insults. The commotion gets everyone's attention
and a big
smile lights up Claude de Nord's face. Pulling out a dog-eared parchment, he marches up to Michael and hands it to him: "You're nicked!" Michael looks bemused. "Did you forget I'm Commissioner of Public Safety?" asks Claude, sweetly. The protesting Chevalier-Cavalier is hauled off to the Bastille.
Meanwhile, guests are still arriving. Martin de Garnache brings Fifi. Neville Moore escorts Vera Cruz. Therese Le Vert accompanies Rick Shaw. Morgane Le Fay is on Terence Cuckpowder's arm. "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick has Sue Briquet with him. And then there's (a peaky-looking) Les Anonyme and Zavier Ulric Turenne. Was either at the front last season? Nope. Is either in the RFG? That's a no. And are they Ministers? Not any more! Oh dear, they're not on the list and spend a week kicking their heels outside the club. Still, Les has brought along a bottle or two of the strong stuff to keep up their spirits.
What else is going on at the start of September? Well, the party is not the only thing happening in the Fleur. Henri DuShite has joined the club and is there to take a look round. Jean Jeanie, accompanied by Jacky Tinne, pops in as well. And Pierre Cardigan is with Justine Caisse. Thomas de la Lune has taken Katy Did to Hunter's, starting to spend his rescheduled loans. Thomasina Tancenjin gets to visit the Frog & Peach with Stephane Etrange. And Armand Alsace and Hugo Furst try out Red Phillips - their first club.
Gaz Moutarde and Zeold von Tu are at home with their respective ladies, sparking a duel for Zeold when Jean d'Aubergine and a large bunch of flowers turn up. Louis Joseph Reignaux and Louis Severin Descartes both strike out when they go courting, but not so Yve Stanbul.
Grenville d'Arkrite is trying out a bawdyhouse, as is Jean-Paul LeMon. The latter makes the mistake of still having cash about his person on leaving and is roughed up by the local footpads. After that, he has no cash on him. Octo Lucretius Souris makes it three visitors to the red light district.
In the more salubrious surroundings of regimental and private gyms we find Come Asiouar, practising with his regimental sabre, Elroi le Flingue, another cavalryman and also on sabre, infantryman Felipe Savant with his rapier, Paris's most famous rapier-wielder General Jacques de Gain doing just that and Lt-Gen Louis Renault with his rapier.
Privates Percival Puffington and Thierry Boule are being kept busy polishing their kit in their respective barracks. Jon Dichateme is still hanging around the Fourth Arquebusiers' HQ while Thibault Pinot-Noir is watching the Royal Marines square-bashing at their barracks.
Three hosts
In the second week of September the main action shifts to Bothwell's and the competing parties of Louis, Louis and Jacques. However, there's still something going on at the Fleur. Greg de Bécqueur and Bette are the hosts for a select group of senior socialites. Comprising Les Anonyme, Camille de Polignac, the non-drinking Henri DuShite and Zavier Ulric Turenne. Les insist that everybody should be drinking, brushing off other's concerns that he's looking rather sallow (if not actually yellow). The last is joined by Laura de Land, but the others are unaccompanied. Other members in the Fleur are Ben e'Volence and Lotte (not drinking to "save the pennies..."), Pierre Cardigan and Justine and Rick Shaw (who's only just joined the club) with Therèse.
And so to Bothwell's. The largest group is Toadying to Louis Severin Descartes, who has invited his regiment, Grand Duke Max's Dragoons, and others to join him in his new club. As Louis tells us, "the GDMD have stumbled across a true gem in the form of Erik van Goudameer, a Dutch Master Chef who had been drafted into a Dutch Fusilier Regiment and had the wits about him to surrender to the GDMD at the first opportunity. Van Goudameer will make this evening special with a wide variety of Dutch cheeses, sausages and other specialties and, at the end of the night when all the guests are happy and drunk, he will find the back door of Bothwell's unlocked and no guards outside in the street."
Alvin Charles of the GDMD leads the guests. Botte Le Chimiste is next and also in the regiment. Claude de Nord brings Madelaine. GDMD Captain Elroi le Flingue has Violet on his arm. GDMD Captain Grenville d'Arkrite has no-one on his. Hector William Boone is single, too. After his failure last week Louis Joseph Reignaux is also on his own, but quickly attracts the attentions of Claude as they're in enemy regiments. That will be another duel. Neville Moore and Vera are last. And, while the Chef makes his escape, the GDMD are honing their new regimental recruitment song. But will anyone still remember the lyrics the next day? (See Press.)
The other Louis, Baron Renault, extended an invitation to all who served in Second Army and doesn't get quite as many Toadies. Maggie Nifisent is with him to greet, first, Armand Alsace. Jean d'Aubergine is next. Thomas de la Lune arrives flaunting Louis's ex-mistress Katy on his arm. "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick brings Sue. And Yve Stanbul shows off last week's conquest, Sheila Kiwi.
Jacques Hatt has asked those who served in the Cavalry Division last month to join him and Cath. The only man to take up his invitation is Beau Nidle. Well, not quite the only one: Justin Thyme rolls up as well, but his unit, the QOCs, wasn't part of the Cavalry Division in the summer - not even in the same Army! Things are a bit disrupted as Beau, who serves in the Crown Prince Cuirassiers, spots a member of the 53rd Fusiliers at the Renault party: Armand. Challenges are exchanged.
Downmarket a bit, Jean-Paul LeMon takes in all that the Blue Gables can offer now he's joined the club. Stephane Etrange and Thomasina are in the Frog & Peach again. And Hugo Furst returns to Red Phillips.
Gaz Moutarde remains with his mistress while Frank X Change gets his feet under the table of a certain young lady. The bawdyhouses see visits from Bernard de Lur-Saluces, Jon Dichateme and Thierry Boule. However, Jon is only there for a drink.
Various gyms are occupied by Beau Reese Jean Seine (with his regimental rapier), Come Asiouar (cavalryman's sabre), Felipe Savant (with Beau and rapier), Jacques de Gain (rapier), Jean Jeanie (rapier), Martin de Garnache (rapier alongside Beau and Felipe), Terence Cuckpowder (sabre), Thibault Pinot-Noir (cutlass - he expected to be a Marine, after all) and Zeold von Tu (the infantry's rapier).
This leaves Percival Puffington, who's completing his regimental duties, Octo Lucretius Souris, who's out and about taking in the sights and sounds of the city, and Michael Chevalier-Cavalier, who's locked up in the Bastille.
All together now
The biggest event of the month is the "evening of unparalleled elegance and social delight" hosted by Ben e'Volence (and Lotte) at the Fleur in week three. Or is it more brawling and boozing? Probably not the latter, since Ben is still keen on "saving the pennies now the Exchequer's taken me cash". We shall see. Top of the guest list is Armand Alsace, of course.
He is of "the woeful 53rd Fusiliers" - as his host described them - and thus starts proceedings with an exchange
of challenges. The next arrival, Alvin Charles, is thankfully neutral in this dispute. Les Anonyme rolls up, three sheets to the wind, and takes over as waiter, drunkenly plying all and sundry with drinks. Whether they want them or not. (The glasses still get emptied, regardless.) Followed by Botte Le Chimiste. Beau Nidle is a colleague of Ben's and is thus sent to pick a fight with Armand as well. Claude de Nord brings Madelaine. Camille de Polignac is alone again. Felipe Savant arrives with Pet Ulante on his
arm. Frank X Change reveals that it's Frances Forrin that he courted last week by bringing her along and meeting up with his regimental colleague, Claude.
Next arrival is Grenville d'Arkrite. Then it's Greg de Bécqueur and Bette. The party even persuades Gaz Moutarde to come along (though not to carouse), bringing Anne Tique with him for a rare day out. Henri DuShite rolls up next. Hugo Furst appears on his own, trying to look like someone who's seen active service with his muddy boots and unkempt appearance. Hector William Boone, who did, looks smart. Guinevere is again the companion of Justin Thyme. And Jacky of Jean Jeanie. The entrance of Louis Joseph Reignaux causes a stir as the two King's Musketeers present, Claude and Frank, shove their way through the throng to challenge this upstart from the Cardinal's Guard.
Louis Renault joins the party with Maggie. Louis Severin Descartes remains unaccompanied. Jailbird Michael Chevalier-Cavalier finds Justin is there and they renew their enmity. Octo Lucretius Souris is actually quite glad he doesn't have any of these rivalries to worry about, but he's learning a lot about Parisian society. Rick Shaw escorts Therèse past the squabbling. Thierry Boule is the second of Ben's colleagues to turn up and he is directed to have words with Claude as well. Terence Cuckpowder has Morgane on his arm. Thibault Pinot-Noir escorts Angelina (aka Camille's ex). "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick brings Sue. No sooner has Yve Stanbul come through the door with Sheila than he joins Justin in swapping insults with Michael. Zavier Ulric-Turenne and Laura remain aloof from the disputes.
The only other people in the Fleur this week are Pierre Cardigan and Justine. There is someone outside, though: Stephane Etrange turns up expecting to Toady to Beau Reese Jean Seine. Oops! Bothwell's is the preserve of Martin de Garnache and Fifi. Hunter's sees a bit more entertaining. Neville Moore and Vera have the unaccompanied Zeold von Tu as their guest. Thomas de la Lune is holding his usual open house with Katy, hoping to start a fight. This time someone does turn up: Jean d'Aubergine. But no fights this week. Jean-Paul LeMon has Blue Gables to himself and the Frog & Peach is where to find Come Asiouar.
Jon Dichateme succeeds at this courting lark - much to the chagrin of Zeold von Tu, who must be regretting he went to Hunter's on his own. Still, he gets a duel in which to express his feelings. Only Percival Puffington hits the bawdyhouses and he definitely has a good time.
Practising away are: Bernard de Lur-Saluces, who's chucking daggers about; Beau Reese Jean Seine swishing his rapier; Elroi le Flingue hacking away with his sabre; Jacques de Gain and his rapier of course; and Jacques Hatt setting to with his sabre.
Relaxation
The last week of September sees socialites all over the place. But chiefly in the gyms. It's quite a roll-call: Beau Nidle (sabre), Beau Reese Jean Seine (rapier), Come Asiouar (sabre), Elroi le Flingue (sabre), Felipe Savant (rapier), Grenville d'Arkrite (sabre), Greg de Bécqueur (sabre), Jacques de Gain (rapier), Jacques Hatt (sabre), Justin Thyme (sabre),
Jean Jeanie (rapier), Louis Jospeh Reignaux (rapier), Martin de Garnache (rapier), Neville Moore (rapier), Percival Puffington (rapier),
Rick Shaw (sabre), Stephane Etrange (sabre), Terence Cuckpowder (sabre), Thomas de la Lune (rapier), Thibault Pinot-Noir (cutlass) and Zeold von Tu (rapier).
Jon Dichateme, Octo Lucretius Souris and "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick are all at a loose end and just knocking about Paris. Not so Thierry Boule, who has to finish off his regimental duties. And it turns out "Tiny" is up to something: recruiting persons of equally small stature whom he outfits in orange uniforms as "The Tangerine Team".
Enjoying the bawdyhouses are Armand Alsace, Alvin Charles, Botte Le Chimiste, Henri DuShite (but just for a drink, mind), Hugo Furst, Hector William Boone, Jean d'Aubergine and Michael Chevalier-Cavalier. Armand, Alvin and Hugo all attract the attentions of muggers, but have carefully spent all their cash. Mind you, some of those footpads are rather short, uniformed in orange and accost their victims with cries of "Oi, Lofty" and "what's the weather like up there" before roughing them up...
Two men are seeking female company in a more reputable way - taking advantage of just how many have left their mistress at home. However, Louis Severin Descartes finds that his intended is not in. It's success for Camille de Polignac though - I put it down to the "gold-plated roses", what girl could resist? Though there is the little matter of the duel he'll have to have with Count Cuckpowder.
There's a bit of a contretemps in Blue Gables. Jean-Paul LeMon is quietly imbibing for the third week in a row when who should turn up but new member Yve Stanbul (and Sheila), who's a member of his enemy regiment! Unpleasantness ensues and a duel will be needed to settle the matter.
It's peaceful in Hunter's. But then, only Frank X Change and Frances are there, sampling the delights of his new club. Bothwell's has Gaz Moutarde - on his own this week - plus Louis Renault and Maggie.
Zavier Ulric Turenne and Laura get in a last week of Toadying, guests of Bernard de Lur-Saluces at the Fleur. Also in this club are Les Anonyme, Ben e'Volence with Lotte ("saving the pennies..."), Claude de Nord with Madelaine and, of course, Pierre Cardigan with Justine. Les staggers in looking very much the worse for wear and insisting that he just needs a little pick-me-up. Two magnums of champagne later he's comatose on the floor. A doctor is called and leeches applied ("Just pop a couple under your tongue and let them dissolve..."), but the Baron breathes his last (his liver has had enough) as the other members (except Ben and Lotte) raise a glass to him. ("It's what he would have wanted.")
Just one
Further north in the Netherlands, the Frontier regiments are keeping the Spanish in their place by attacking their positions. Brigadier-General Balzac Slapdash lends his expertise to Frontier regiment 3 and gets a brief Mention in Despatches ("What's he doing here?").